Transcript
Play Big Queen Podcast Episode 28
Welcome. You are listening to the Play Big Queen podcast. This is for you if you are a woman who is an entrepreneur, business owner, professional, leader, or someone who is deeply committed to personal growth, self-improvement, transformation, and living authentically. This is especially for you if you have an invisible disability, whether you are diagnosed,
undiagnosed, self-diagnosed, or late diagnosed, and you are working on reclaiming your neurodivergent identity, rebuilding confidence, learning what works for your unique brilliance while breaking free from small, people-pleasing conditioning. If you are a visionary change maker interested in advancing your leadership and creating success on your terms, and you want to leave a legacy, if you are navigating disability or neurodiversity as an individual or as an ally, and you are looking for a support
supportive and inclusive environment to thrive, then this is for you. I am your hostess, Kate Bailey. I am the Play Big Queen. My name is my title and a command for all women. Play Big Queen. I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big self too, if it serves you. I am a business and embodiment mentor working with women who are ready to rise the fuck up and be your bold, beautiful
sexy-ass self, start and grow your big bold vision and claim that you too get to have your boldest desires. I am the creatrix of Kate Bailey LLC, which provides coaching services, educational courses, products and experiences that promote success in neurodiversity advocacy, women's empowerment, embodiment, entrepreneurship and business to serve women on their transformational journey.
To learn more about my company offerings and to get on my email list, go to xxxkatebailey.com. If you would like to learn more about my work, my personal values, my mission and my community, make sure you catch the last five minutes of this episode to go deeper and learn so much more. On this podcast, sometimes we will have guests, sometimes I'll do solo episodes, but every single time you listen, you will expand. So get ready.
It's a new era for women on the PlayBig path. Long may we reign.
Hello, my beautiful humans. Welcome back to Play Big Queen. This is the podcast for women who are unmasking, unfawning, and remembering who the fuck they are.
Oh my gosh. Today I want to talk about something that has saved me again and again. But before I go into it, I want to tell you I have been journaling this past weekend. My husband is out of town for the next week. He's doing like a paintball...
Boys weekend with his buddies in New York and I miss him, which I guess is a good thing after nine years. But in full transparency it is not easy by any stretch of the imagination for me to actually live with other people. The autistic side of me very much needs like a sensory controlled environment.
And then the ADHD side of me loves to stim and turn up the music on full blast. Like, when there's a lot going on in my environment, it's really challenging to hear my own voice, to come back to myself, to make sure that I am tapping in to that voice that knows the truth of my desires, what I want to create. And so this weekend and this whole week actually has kind of like...
...have haphazardly turned into this business and writers retreat for myself where I've been rethinking my programming. There's a lot of tweaks that I've made to my messaging and my audience and I've gotten more nuanced and specific and I've been looking to incorporate those changes for a while now. And before I go ahead full steam into redoing all my websites and...
...launching my new product suite that I've developed and my new coaching services. I wanted to take some time to really tap in to what felt right for me to create. And it's so much easier to do that when like everybody's gone and I have like morning, noon, and night the space to myself. I mean, my stepson, Jair, is home, but he's like going to work and working out and like, I feel like we're...
...kind of alike in the sense that we both like our alone time and our thinking spaces. So ah I've had a lot of time to myself and through this process, I've been journaling and I don't journal all the time. I was a natural writer growing up. I always wrote in like stacks of these black sketchbooks, everything from like poems to journaling to like ideas that I had. I was like a full-time writer when I was younger.
And as I've grown up, yes, I write content, I'm working on writing a book, I sometimes write these podcast episodes, but I don't actually journal all the time. My habit has changed from being like this sit down and do it every day thing in the last few years to something that I go to when I need to confess, unmask, get clarity, especially around my desires.
When I need to coagulate a lot of things that I'm connecting. And so this weekend — and a couple of days right before the weekend — I've decided after three years to close down the Play Big Queen accountability program. Listen, the clients I have in there are some OGs. I love them so much.
And every day they do the very hard work of reconciling their own timing as a neurodivergent person, finding their communication for self-advocacy, and they show up no matter what they are going through, through all of the seasons for their goals. And it has been the absolute honor and privilege of my life to serve these Play Big Queens in this program.
But something is shifting. A time is changing. And so am I.
And accountability is challenging and looks different when you're neurodivergent. But it didn't feel aligned for me to build a whole program around just that anymore. And if you're one of my podcast listeners, you get to like be in unlike the juicy behind the scenes here. I'm actually revamping everything. I'm changing so much in my product suite. Well, not everything. I mean, it feels like everything is shifting. But—
My product suite is gonna include, just so you can see where I'm going with all this, I'm gonna have my PlayBig Foundations course, which is PlayBig 101. That's gonna be my evergreen course. The Whore Crawl is switching to like an evergreen course. I'm reinventing the mastermind that I did years ago and I'm crafting something that looks like really juicy. I'm creating a free 30-day...
Mastermind, which is like a 30-day challenge, and all of this isn't going to be deployed until like next year. I'm going to take some time off. I'm reworking my private coaching. I'm designing a lot of the programs for like high impact, major intimacy and depth and like no more than six people in a group with the exception of like the free 30-day Mastermind that I'm going to wind up doing. Hoping to get a lot of people in there so I can introduce them to my work. But like — in leadership, if you study like the most effective teams and what size groups work best together, you get the most impact when you work with no more than six people. And I do really well in intimate containers. And so I'm building a few super high-touch, high-level programs.
Between my private coaching, my mastermind, and a couple other things I have in the work with this in mind. I believe it's important to be ethically exclusive and I deeply value inclusivity, which is why I'm going to like literally have a 30-day free mastermind program.
But I also believe in like being all in and committed and like putting your money where your mouth is — and being at a certain place financially so you can do the actual work of fully self-actualizing — where you can work from a place of not being pressured. And I totally understand that there are so many systemic factors at play that keep neurodivergent people in a position where it's challenging to make money.
Or if you have an invisible disability, it's like completely unsustainable to work in the traditional working world. But I'm going to be pivoting a little bit to make sure that I can work with people who are ready for a massive transformation and to make a massive impact in the world. And not to say that the people that I have been working with aren't ready, right? Like—I just want to be—in full transparency, in intimate, transformative containers—where growth is happening—at an insane rate because we're doing the work on top of certain foundations that are already in place.
Another offer that I'm going to be working at some point is called Body of Work. I got the dot com. That's bodyofwerk, W E R K dot com. And this is going to be like a place that is going to house all the somatic stuff that I'm doing.
So I can teach a lot more of the taboo stuff that I teach like hot, erotic mess, hot, erotic, messy money, The Whore Crawl—in a way where it’s easier to promote this type of work. Like those experiences will be classes that fall under the umbrella of Body of Werk.
And then I won't get shut down on all the socials and when I try to run ads for promoting something called the Whore Crawl. And the Whore Crawl, by the way, is a fully developed self-led course that you can now purchase anytime at whorecrawl.com. It's $111. There's no live component. It's essentially a self-led erotic reclamation for women who are done playing nice with shame.
And I’ll still do like live Whore Crawls. I’m gonna do them at retreats. I’ll do them within the framework of Body of Work. But this entire course that I built around learning this ritual of the Whore Crawl gets to live now at a place where anybody can learn about it at any time. It’s a self-guided reclamation and it really empowers, I think, my clients.
To pursue some of these more taboo subjects with nuance and autonomy, like outside of community or coaching containers. They can really go at their own pace and learn in this sacred solitude. But live experiences and community are so important. And also, like I said, different people want different things.
And I want to include the women in this work who might be a little bit timid, who don't want to come to something like a live experience, like Hot, Erotic, Messy Money—but they might want to explore it and stick their toe in and get familiar with it. And I've like officially gone down like a 10-minute ADHD side quest, but I started sharing all this with you because a lot of the changes that are coming to my offerings and my product suite and the things that I'm going to bring to my community are changing because I did journaling.
And I did it in a way that wasn't flashy and Instagrammable. Like I didn't, you know, take a picture of me journaling for my stories. I didn’t do like a typical five-step morning routine, but like...
I journaled in a way that was raw, that gave me permission to spiral out loud and to whisper to myself in ways that I really needed to be talked to. So I did want to talk about journaling in this episode, not as productivity, not as performance, but as a practice—as the ritual of unmasking and essentially as a sacred...
And then I won't get shut down on all the socials and when I try to run ads for promoting something called the Whore Crawl. And the Whore Crawl, by the way, is a fully developed self-led course that you can now purchase anytime at whorecrawl.com. It's $111. There's no live component. It's essentially a self-led erotic reclamation for women who are done playing nice with shame.
And I’ll still do like live Whore Crawls. I’m gonna do them at retreats. I’ll do them within the framework of Body of Work. But this entire course that I built around learning this ritual of the Whore Crawl gets to live now at a place where anybody can learn about it at any time. It’s a self-guided reclamation and it really empowers, I think, my clients.
To pursue some of these more taboo subjects with nuance and autonomy, like outside of community or coaching containers. They can really go at their own pace and learn in this sacred solitude. But live experiences and community are so important. And also, like I said, different people want different things.
And I want to include the women in this work who might be a little bit timid, who don't want to come to something like a live experience, like Hot, Erotic, Messy Money—but they might want to explore it and stick their toe in and get familiar with it. And I've like officially gone down like a 10-minute ADHD side quest, but I started sharing all this with you because a lot of the changes that are coming to my offerings and my product suite and the things that I'm going to bring to my community are changing because I did journaling.
And I did it in a way that wasn't flashy and Instagrammable. Like I didn't, you know, take a picture of me journaling for my stories. I didn’t do like a typical five-step morning routine, but like...
I journaled in a way that was raw, that gave me permission to spiral out loud and to whisper to myself in ways that I really needed to be talked to. So I did want to talk about journaling in this episode, not as productivity, not as performance, but as a practice—as the ritual of unmasking and essentially as a sacred act of reconnection, especially if you're neurodivergent, right? If you've lived your life shape-shifting, chasing the dopamine, impulsively initiating without thinking, over-explaining, proving, pleasing, performing, then journaling can become this place where you get to drop the mask and hear your own voice again.
So just about 12 minutes into this episode, let's actually get into the subject of this episode. So like first and foremost, like why do we even need a place to unmask? You know, if you are anything like me, you learned to journal early.
Maybe you had like some special pens, like ink pens or glitter pens. Maybe you had like a little lock on your diary. I know I did cause like...
Yeah, love my mom, but she loves to snoop and I did not learn about boundaries from her. But like, somewhere along the way, maybe you stopped writing just for yourself. Maybe you started scripting what you should feel or writing what you think you should want or writing that you desire something that you saw somebody else had because you were comparing yourself to them or...
Maybe you just wrote what sounded wise or you did like journaling as your to-do list, right? Like just one thing that you're going to do and take off your to-do list is I'm going to journal and I'm going to rewrite my thoughts and do my mindset and I'm going to do it all perfect, right? And like the sacred space of being on this blank page sometimes turns into yet another place to perform. And so unmasking for me...
Is about catching myself in that pattern in the journal and every other place in my life, but like catching myself in that pattern and choosing to write anyways—and write in a way that's not prettier, that's not wiser, but actually messier, more honest, more me, more confessional. Because sometimes my journal is the only place that I will tell the truth first and like truth and honesty are like...
My top three values. And still, sometimes with masking, it's easier to tell the truth first in my journal—to tell my journal the truth before, like I even admit it to a friend or speak it out loud and admit it to myself. Like in my journal, I get to see myself and not just the parts that I want the world to see, but the parts that I buried and the parts that I forgot Until I gave them some attention. And it's important to remember that when we journal to reconnect, reconnection isn't always about feeling better. Sometimes it's about feeling honest. When I journal, I do it to reconnect to my body by like noticing where attention lives when I write the truth. I do it to reconnect to my desires by asking myself,
Kate, what the fuck do you actually want?
Not what I'm supposed to want, not the wants that come from a place of comparison, but like, what do I actually want? And then I also journal to reconnect to my identity, especially as a neurodivergent person, right? Like, and when I do this, I let all my inner archetypes take the mic. Like journaling gets to give a voice to the pieces of me that sometimes I've abandoned. So that could be my inner teenager or the angry
part of me or the soft part of me or the part of me that actually gets to rest or the too much part of me or the one who doesn't want to do anything for any fucking buddy today. Like that is where the real intimacy with myself gets to live. And so if you would like to journal and use a couple of prompts, I'm going to give you some somatic prompts that actually
So here are a few of my go-to when I want to drop the mask and reconnect to myself. Number one, and this is my favorite.
What am I pretending not to know?
When I first read this question, I thought it was a little gaslighty. I'm like, what? What the fuck does that even mean? But it's...
It's true if you ask yourself this question, that voice of intuition that sits right behind your throat at the seat of all your attention will all of a sudden chime in and have all of the things that you didn't realize that you were pretending not to know.
So that's question one.
What am I pretending not to know?
And if you're actually in a place where you can journal and you want to
get these few questions and prompts I'm gonna give you, then you can just pause the episode and then like write it down and then come back for the next question.
So the next question is:
Where in my body feels like a no and where does it feel like a yes?
Like if you think about the times that you really wanted to say yes to something, what did it feel like in your body? And what did it feel like when you wanted to be a no to it?
Especially when you felt that feeling afterwards when you didn’t say no when you wanted to and that—for some people it’s like a sinking feeling. But like what does it feel like in your body when it’s a no and what does it feel like when it’s a yes?
Okay, next question.
Who would I be if I didn’t need to perform being fine today?
Listen bitch, sometimes it is okay to not be okay, but it's not always easy to sit with the version of ourselves who is not okay. So link up with her, maybe go have a drink. It doesn’t have to be alcoholic, but like, who would you be if you didn’t need to perform being fine today? Give her a name, get to know her, write it in your journal.
Next question is: What does the truest version of me want to scream?
I mean, real talk.
I am like—genuinely so loving and empathetic for all of my clients. Absolutely. And I know, especially being neurodivergent, we all have challenges that need so much validation. So many of my clients heal so much just from being in a space for the first time where they are validated.
And given my history, working in trauma, I feel very confident in being able to refer clients out when their needs extend beyond my scope of practice. But like sometimes, the truest version of me just wants to scream, I'm not your fucking therapist, go to therapy, go do the work in therapy. And I’m giving real talk right now so you don’t have to be insecure and be like, has she ever thought that about me? Like it’s fine.
Right? But you know, when I take the mask off, like—coaching is different than therapy. There are a lot of places where it intersects and coaching can be very healing in so many ways. My gosh, it’s been life-changing for me. And I know it has been for my clients, but like—there are lines, there are boundaries. And like I can communicate those boundaries lovingly.
And also in my journal...
Sometimes I’ve just got to let the truest version of me scream and dump it in there.
Okay, so y’all are getting like my unfiltered truth right now, even at the—like, at the very real possibility that some of my gorgeous, lovely clients with rejection sensitivity dysphoria could think that I am talking about them.
If that is you boo boo, I love the shit out of you. Don’t worry about it.
People actually get to be humans in my world who have things that they’re both conscious and unconscious of and I’m no different.
And so like if you’re feeling a little tender and called out from that, just know I love you so much.
And then the fifth question, right?
That I love to ask myself in these like unmasking journal prompts is:
If I wrote a letter to the part of me that I hide, what would I say?
I’ll say it one more time.
If I wrote a letter to the part of me that I hide, what would I say?
And you can pause this again if you need to write any of those down or pause it to just like think about it if you don’t feel like journaling it or rewind or let yourself riff off of one line and just let it take you somewhere that you didn’t expect. Just vocalize some unmasked shit… and let it come out of you.
And again, like how I use journaling now—like, I don’t journal every day because it’s not about discipline anymore. It’s about where the desire to go to those places that I can discover or uncover the things that I can uncover in my journal would take me. But when I do journal, I do have a very specific ritual that has kind of naturally evolved out of like my desires for how I want to be. And they have become habits and rituals without me even trying to make them habits or rituals. So like, whenever I journal, I light a candle. Sometimes I like to change my clothing to wear something that makes me feel like a little more comfortable or a little less restricted or sometimes a little extra. I let myself write without any punctuation if I want to because grammar is not God.
And all my people listening out there who are sticklers for grammar, like, I totally get the importance of it, but I totally do not understand the importance of being so strict about grammar all the time. But like, I also journal in a way now, like, where I write, like, no one will read it, like, not even me. And sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I write in all caps. Sometimes I just completely ignore all the writing lines and write sideways. Sometimes I stop halfway, just do my somatic shaking or sob or just laugh like I’m losing my mind. It’s very alive. It’s my nervous system whispering like its own truth back to me.
It’s very much like a creative process where I become very naked and vulnerable and unmasked.
So if you have been feeling disconnected, numb, over-performing or under-honest with yourself, come back to the page.
Let it be a messy homecoming.
Let yourself like just...
Unmask and leave the mess of the mask on the paper.
You don't need to be able to read it later. Sometimes I cannot read the mad scribblings of my unmasked self. It's okay. Like—make a mess of the page. Even if you paid like $100 for your pretty little journal, let yourself fuck it up and be messy.
Let it be messy.
Let it be a devotion.
Let it be a rebellion.
Against the idea that you need to be like filtered or put together or all figured out.
This isn't about becoming—it's about remembering.
Journaling to remember who you are in your unmasked self and writing your way back to your wild, wise, and worthy self, your brilliant self.
You have always been in there and now she's ready to speak.
If this episode stirred up something in you, share it with someone who journals or maybe someone who's afraid to start journaling. And if you want to go deeper into this kind of reclamation, we have got one more week until we do Hot, Erotic, Messy Money on Sunday, July 27th 2025 at 8 p.m. Eastern Time.
I can’t believe it’s less than a week away. We are in regular pricing period. It’s $297 to enroll, but totally worth it.
If you’ve been feeling the pull to do this, get in there because I think this is the last time I’m gonna do this experience. I’m gonna be really dedicated to implementing my new product suite and my new offerings.
And I think this is just gonna be done differently. This is like an intimate container. I think there’s like 15 people signed up and...
Not everybody comes to the live version of these. You people have lives and commitments and I really encourage everybody to make time to be there. But sometimes that’s not always the case. And some people just like love catching the replay—and that’s all good.
But this is the last podcast episode where you will hear me plug Hot, Erotic, Messy Money. So I really hope you’ll join us.
Okay. Until next time, keep doing the work of unmasking.
Keep journaling, keep writing your way home to yourself.
Okay, that's it for this episode of the Play Big Queen podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. As always, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, take what nourished you, keep what resonated for you, and leave the rest because ultimately, you know best.
This episode is over until next time, we can keep this thing going. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom where it says, join our community, and get on the email list to get all the juicy details about all my offerings and where Play Big Queens play together online, on social media, and in person. We've got a tight community of women claiming their boldest desires, celebrating wins, playing all out, fiercely standing for each other and going higher together. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, put in your email address and confirm your subscription. Once you're in, you'll get all the juicy guides, tips and inspirations and you'll get notified first about all the offers we have for all the big stuff we're doing over here. Go to xxxkatebailey.com to stay in the loop. That's xxxkatebailey.com.
If you like what you heard in this podcast, subscribe, share it with your friends, and if you got something from this, I would appreciate some reviews and ratings. When you take the time to review the podcast, it helps our podcast get out to more women who need it. If you haven't already, head over to iTunes and Spotify and show Play Big Queen some love. Also,
I want you to know that my door is always open and I will always make space for you to be heard and to honor your experience. The views expressed in this podcast are through the lens of my personal identity and my own lived experience. I am a European mix Mediterranean mutt who is an Italian Sicilian, cis heterosexual woman born in New York, experiencing the world in a white body as a multiply neurodivergent.
who lives in a neurodiverse and racially blended family. And like everyone else, my one single perspective comes with its own limitations. I have done personal and professional work around anti-racism, diversity, equity, equality, and inclusion. I am not a therapist or doctor, and any coaching or advice cannot take the place of professional medical, mental health, or healing help. However, that being said,
What happens in my work is often a very powerful additional supplemental or alternative way to heal around identity work, mindset and emotional wellness. Although I am not a licensed therapist, it is worth noting that in addition to being a mentor, I am trained and certified in emergency medicine and response. I have rendered care to over 20,000 patients in the course of my career. I have taught over 15,000 students, many of which had learning disabilities that were undiagnosed and came from diverse cultural backgrounds. I was also a private health college adjunct professor who was responsible for training medical professionals on how to respond to trauma and behavioral emergencies. If you approach me with any concern, you will be met with professionalism, compassion, understanding, support, and a readiness and a willingness to advocate for your needs. That being said, sometimes I just get it wrong.
I am a human being on my own growth journey after all. When I mess up, I'm always available for courageous and crucial conversation that makes way for growth and healing. Your experience and voice matters to me. I sincerely welcome any feedback you feel called to share. You can email your comments or concerns to info at playbigqueen.com knowing that I am open to having any and all crucial conversations needed. Okay.
Remember, you are brilliant. Celebrate yourself. Value your own unique way and honor your own timing. Because you can totally create a life and business that feels good and is successful on your terms. Remember to release expectations of what you think your Play Big process should look like and be willing to do the work that needs to be done to Play Big. But most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, remember to trust yourself and play big queen
Hi, queen. I see you're in it for the long game. If you reach this part of the podcast episode, it means you're interested in learning more about my work, my values, my mission, and my community. So let's go deeper together. I am here to activate neurodivergent women to play bigger and to show you that you are so capable of doing big things and that if you value your own unique way and honor your own timing, you will learn to receive your boldest desires and so much more.
In my world, what makes you different is valued, celebrated, honored, and welcome. I welcome all who identify as female and non-binary folk in my Play Big Queens community. We believe in and support LGBTQIA plus 2S, Black Lives Matter, women's and pro-choice rights, and obviously intersectional identities, including disabilities, neurodivergence, and religious beliefs. Personally, I am pro sex worker rights, pro-Palestinian liberation, against Islamophobia, and against anti-Semitism, and I'm also against any cult-like religions that use beliefs as an excuse to indoctrinate people into abusive, autocratic systems. Like many neurodivergent people, we have big hearts and a strong sense of social justice around here. You are encouraged to stay and play in our Play Big Queen community if you share these values. For those who find the word queen does not resonate.
Perhaps because of imperial associations, the Play Big self archetype can take any form and the invitation and activation remains the same. To learn to embody your Play Big self, to operate from love instead of fear, to go on a Play Big journey in community because you know that no Play Big queen can truly Play Big alone.
To decide to cultivate the courage to use your voice, unmask, reclaim, embrace and embody your brilliance and create a life and business that works with the unique way that you work. Through this work, you will come to know the truth of your brilliance deeply. And as you come to know your authentic self, more and more will begin to open up for you. Knowing your unique brilliance will lead to great success and true belonging. In this world, we take the pressure off and learn to step off the traditional path so you can blaze your own trail. My mission is to get you motivated, inspired, and equipped to get into massive action and go on your very own Play Big journey. My mission is to empower at least 10,000 women to fully step into their Play Big self by offering healing, transformative, inclusive, and neurodiverse-affirming coaching and content.
Through innovative coaching programs, courses, and master classes, we provide the tools, support, sustainability, and community needed to help each woman embrace her unique path to confidence, success, and meaningful impact. If just 10,000 women with invisible disabilities and their allies were empowered with neurodiverse affirming and inclusive communication to express their unique brilliance, step into their authority and autonomy and lead,
the world would experience a profound shift towards inclusivity, innovation, and empathy. These women would break through societal limitations, modeling resilience, creativity, and strength of diversity. Their voices and perspectives, often shaped by unique experiences with challenges and perseverance, would redefine business leadership, inspire systemic change, and create spaces where diverse ways of thinking are not just accepted,
but celebrated. Industries and communities would become more accessible and inclusive with practices that honor varied ways of working, communicating, and achieving. This change would ripple into every area of life and society. Workplaces would become more adaptable, offering a culture of respect for individual strengths. Health care and education systems would improve.
improve centering accessibility and compassion in their approaches and policies would evolve to better support those with invisible challenges benefiting society as a whole. So many women with so much potential are shrinking in the face of their own brilliance, just sitting on the sidelines waiting for permission instead of getting in the game. The activation of the latent potential in these women, their empowerment, making them visible would inspire others, reduce stigma around invisible disabilities, and encourage everyone to lead authentically. Their successes will light the way for countless more women to rise, creating a culture of true diversity where every person feels valued, included, and emboldened to contribute their brilliance and lead with it. If you know you are ready for more clarity, confidence, and you want to embody your play big self and be supported around creating the big vision for your life and business, then send me an email at info at playbigqueen.com telling me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
