Transcript
Play Big Queen Podcast Episode 27
Welcome. You are listening to the Play Big Queen podcast. This is for you if you are a woman who is an entrepreneur, business owner, professional, leader, or someone who is deeply committed to personal growth, self-improvement, transformation, and living authentically. This is especially for you if you have an invisible disability, whether you are diagnosed,
undiagnosed, self-diagnosed, or late diagnosed, and you are working on reclaiming your neurodivergent identity, rebuilding confidence, learning what works for your unique brilliance while breaking free from small, people-pleasing conditioning. If you are a visionary change maker interested in advancing your leadership and creating success on your terms, and you want to leave a legacy, if you are navigating disability or neurodiversity as an individual or as an ally, and you are looking for a support
supportive and inclusive environment to thrive, then this is for you. I am your hostess, Kate Bailey. I am the Play Big Queen. My name is my title and a command for all women. Play Big Queen. I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big self too, if it serves you. I am a business and embodiment mentor working with women who are ready to rise the fuck up and be your bold, beautiful
sexy-ass self, start and grow your big bold vision and claim that you too get to have your boldest desires. I am the creatrix of Kate Bailey LLC, which provides coaching services, educational courses, products and experiences that promote success in neurodiversity advocacy, women's empowerment, embodiment, entrepreneurship and business to serve women on their transformational journey.
To learn more about my company offerings and to get on my email list, go to xxxkatebailey.com. If you would like to learn more about my work, my personal values, my mission and my community, make sure you catch the last five minutes of this episode to go deeper and learn so much more. On this podcast, sometimes we will have guests, sometimes I'll do solo episodes, but every single time you listen, you will expand. So get ready.
It's a new era for women on the PlayBig path. Long may we reign.
Welcome back to the Play Big Queen podcast This is episode 27, which means it's been a half a year of doing weekly podcast episodes. am so proud of myself. And if you invested your time and energy in listening to and absorbing these episodes, I am so grateful that you are here and truly I hope that you got something from the episodes so far and that they have truly served you in some aspect of your transformational journey.
I'm recording this episode from my favorite place, the porch, again, and I just got back from a walk with my husband Tony and my dog Foxy. So you may hear some cars or trucks in the background and you might hear my husband like singing and playing video games. I don't know. That's kind of his post-workout ritual. So no promises, but there may be cameo. Okay. Today's episode is going to mess with your head a little bit but in like the best way. It's called Why Everything You Know About Manifestation Is Wrong and What Actually Works.
And I know that title might sound a little sensational or even a little clickbaity, but like I really mean that title. From the bottom of my AUDHD neurodivergence, seen too much, felt too much heart. Because what most people are calling manifestation just feels off.
Now it's not wrong because all manifestation teachings are fake, that's not what I'm saying. It's wrong because it's incomplete and it very often skips the most powerful parts.
Today I'm going to share stories about what actually happens when I get the thing that I'm quote unquote manifesting, right? Whether that's the parking spot or I win the raffle or I get the unexpected gift or the surprise opportunity. I'm going to walk you through the actual steps of my personal custom alignment process, including what I now understand to be a part of my intuitive gifts. And what's really interesting is hindsight is 20/20.
The process that I'm going to share for you today is a process that for a really long time, I unconsciously applied to so many things I was quote unquote manifesting. Like I do visualization meditations and creative visualization practices, but that's just like such a tiny piece of it.
There was this larger, energetic, intuitive process at play that l've always done naturally and I couldn't fully explain it until recently. v And recently, l've started to like take the observer perspective and see the pattern and the process that is actually happening in real time when I'm manifesting things.
And in the past, I've quote unquote manifested, like job offers from Sloan Kettering, job offers from MTV, working in a hedge fund company in New York City's iconic buildings, going to the exact fire station that I wanted to be at in FDNY, my husband, $30,000 raises in my old jobs, free spa services, free trips.
And let me be so fucking transparent. I understand the role that my white female privilege plays in a lot of the opportunities that I get.
But l've also noticed a process that is so much bigger than me that is at play in a lot of these circumstances. And I truly believe that everybody has their own manifestation process or their own process of making their desires a reality, no matter what your starting point is.
So this episode is really about me breaking down the difference between what a lot of coaches teach as
manifestation versus what l've discovered through lived experience, neurodivergence and deep listening to my own highly sensitive body. So let's get into it.
So I have this weird repeatable ability to like win raffles and find the best parking spaces. And I know it's not just me. I think we all have this ability and it shows up in different ways.
But lately, something has clicked in a new way. More of the how has been revealed to me. More of the pattern and not just the energetic pattern, but also the intuitive and physical signs has really just like been pulled into focus as this whole system that is happening.
And recently, there's a local women's group that I'm a part of in New Mexico in my town here and they hosted an event around Mother's Day called Mothers and Mentors and they did a raffle and I won spa services. Then they had another event the following month around women's empowerment and financial freedom.. and they had a panel of speakers and I won a $50 gift certificate to like a boutique in town. And like it has always been like this. Like especially at these type of events for some reason.
But lately, I kind of have started watching myself more closely in these moments. I've started actually studying what happens right before the win.
What's the buildup? What is the energetic posturing I'm in? Because it never feels like I manifested it in the traditional sense that we learn from a lot of coaching gurus.
I didn't repeat an affirmation 108 times or meditate on it or write it in a journal 55 times or five days in a row. What I did was I aligned and usually unconsciously at first, but now I can see it more clearly.
So like, here's what happens.
I align with a place and time that feels like I'm supposed to be there right then. I walk into the room and immediately when I walk into the room, I feel relaxed, like someone turned up the volume v on my knowing. Someone will come up to me and mention there's a raffle or l'll turn into a side street in New York City and spot the exact parking spot in front of the building that I need and like a portal opens up for me and it's not just a thought, it's a sensory experience. Like my body is processing a lot of sensory information during this process. Sometimes the light changes in certain areas and it amplifies what I'm looking at and calls my attention to it. My senses might amplify in other areas. Like I get an audible inner nudge. Like I'll hear the words, “how fun it is to be here?” and then I get the felt sense of feeling playful. I feel curious. I feel relaxed and then there's this sense of like energetic flirtation between me and the moment. And then I just know. I have this knowing I'm about to win and I know I'm going to get the parking spot and I know something is about to shift and I'm not gripping onto it.
I'm not trying to force it and I also know that if it doesn't happen and I don't get the thing, I'll still be so delighted to be there. And then it drops in. Now, this isn't just a vibe or positive thinking. What I now understand is that my clair senses, my intuitive gifts activate during these aligned moments.
And I know these moments are aligned because they're part of my desires. Like I had a desire to get out into community, locally involved with women who are in entrepreneurship and women who are in business. And like I went to this event and everything was saying I shouldn't go. Like I was running super late. I was going to get to the event when there was only like an hour left. There are so many times along the way where I could have opted out, but I decided that this is something that I wanted, something that was aligned for me and my values and my desires. And so I kept pursuing it even when it got messy or it looked like it wasn't going to happen.
And then I get there and things start shifting because I have aligned. And so once I get there, once I get to the place that I know is aligned for me, then my intuitive gifts activate and like the volume turns up on them exponentially. So I get claircognizance, which is a deep knowing. Like l've skipped a step in the timeline and already received the outcome. A lot of the times I get clairaudience. Like I hear a voice or a thought will come through with just like this little one liner of narration and it'll be like, “watch, it's going to be your number” or “you're about to turn the corner and someone will be pulling out of the exact spot you need.” And then my other clair senses come online. I get clairsentience where my whole body softens and I am processing a lot of feelings that are different to how I was feeling leading up until that moment. So I'll start feeling more relaxed, more open, almost like really buoyant and it's like being above the energetic field with a bird's eye view.
And then sometimes I even get clairvoyance. Actual visual flashes. Like I see myself sliding into the parking lot before I even make the turn or I'll see the raffle ticket in my hand with the number on it and walking up to go get the prize. And this isn't something I'm visualizing because I want to win it. It's something I'm visualizing because it's almost like I'm getting this information from the environment around me that it's telling me that this thing is coming. It's not like I'm sitting there hoping for it. It's like I'm processing this information that I am going to get it along with a lot of other things.
And this isn't new for me. I think I've shared in another episode the story of how when I was younger, I used to sit in front of the TV during the lottery ball drawings and I would guess the numbers exactly right. I would get each ball right. And it happened often enough where it like freaked out my dad and he started sitting next to me with a notepad and a pen asking me what the next night numbers were going to be. And inevitably I would disappoint him, of course, because I could only see a few minutes ahead. I could like see what was coming just before the drawing. Like I couldn't see it the night before, and that's just like the window that I work with. It's not the entire future. It's the energetic moment that's about to become real.
And we know that we can predict a few moments ahead of us because sometimes our body feels it before it even happens. Like how often have you like had a response from your body while you weren't conscious of it. Our bodies get so much information and have so many of these predictive moments. And I think these are senses that we can definitely hone and turn up the volume on. And so lately l've been just really noticing about the language around manifestation.
And of course l've said it too, it's a big part of the dialect in the coaching industry. But when people say, “I manifested this” lately, it's landing in my body as like cringe and this deep knowing that that's not what actually happened. And it's not that simple. And again, like l've been there too but like our language, our dialect, it evolves, it matures, it gets more nuanced, the more conscious we become.
Because when I look at what actually happens in those moments of like winning or receiving or timing something perfectly, it's not about willing it into existence. The world is, yes, very magical and mystical with many forces at play that we can't see and yes, as a human being, you have power and influence in this whole game of life. And we are so individually and collectively important, but at the same time, it feels like a very overinflated, bad kind of delusional self-importance when we're all going around in the coaching industry being like, I willed this into existence.
Again, no Play Big Queen plays big alone even if what you are playing with is the energy, universal forces, other people contributing opportunities for you. It's not so much about willing it into existence. It is about alignment and that nuance and that distinction is really important.
Manifestation talk often leaves out the somatic part, the timing part, the intuitive body knowing part, the nuance of desire plus detachment and the energetics of showing up messy and late and unprepared, but still right exactly on time.
And if you have ADHD, chronic illness, an invisible disability, or you're neurodivergent in any way, traditional manifestation advice can feel like a setup because most days alignment
doesn't look like scripting my dream life. It looks like doing the thing that I don't want to do, but know is the next true aligned step.
Take the empowerment panel that I talked about that I was running late to… I did not feel cute. My social battery was low, but I knew I had to go. So I showed up messy, late… I came in the door… little bit disruptive. I hadn't eaten all day, so like I just wanted to hoover in all the snacks.
But boom, alignment.
And I know you can probably relate to this, but my body doesn't always cooperate between autoimmune flare ups and executive dysfunction. It can be hard to see the path clearly.
But the more I've been studying my own patterns lately, the more I have caught the exact moment when the shift happens.
So let's zoom out for a second. Here's what people like, if you follow Amanda Frances or Kathrin Zenkina from like Manifestation Babe, they typically teach like six steps of manifestation.
And those six steps are get clear on what you want, embody the energy of already having it, remove resistance and rewrite your limiting beliefs, then take alinged to action, trust and detach from the outcome and then receive and celebrate.
And these steps are not wrong per se, there's truth there, but they don't account for the full body experience of being in the right place at the right time with your energetic channels open and your nervous system soft enough to receive.
They don't account for your unique alignment flow. Alignment is a somatic practice, not just like a journaling and get into action practice.
So here's what alignment as a somatic practice really looks like. And I'm gonna use my personal alignment process as the example.
So for me, I get first the ping. That's what I call it, the ping, that mysterious nudge that doesn't make sense on paper but it feels really alive inside of me, like something wants to happen there. And then what happens is I get the yes. I say yes, even if I don't want to, even if I'm tired, even if I look like hell, even if I'm messy as fuck, I follow it. Then there's the drop in. As soon as I arrive, v my body softens. I feel curious, present and ready. And it's not because I'm putting myself in that state. It's because l've dropped into being in the place that is in alignment for me. And so my body naturally does that when I'm in an aligned space. There are certain places in life that are easier to drop into because they feel safe, because they feel right.
Alignment is like that when you're in the drop in stage of alignment. When you arrive and you're dropped in and you're aligned to where you need to be, you're gonna feel the shift in your body. And then the next step I personally experience is the vision. That's when all the clair gifts and intuitions activate. The inner narrator starts speaking, I start feeling the outcome that hasn't happened yet. Sometimes I see it, I sense it, I hear it and I don't try to control it, I just kind of like witness what's happening. Then comes the knowing. So all the senses get activated. And then there's like this detached certainty that I sense, like that's the claircognizance. Sometimes it comes before all the other clair senses, like clairvoyance and clairaudience and hearing and seeing, but that's one of the steps, the knowing. So at some point, it's the detached certainty. And if that happens, great. And if not, I already feel fed by the experience of being aligned. So it's really easy to have the knowing and stay detached when you're in the place of alignment. And then inevitably what happens is the arrival. The thing happens. The thing is received. it shows up and it lands, not because I willed it into existence and manifested it, but because I matched it.
I know you've probably heard before like in a lot of the coaching spaces from people who've been there and have done the damn thing. You have to be a match for your desires. They're talking about alignment. It arrives, you receive when you are a match for it. Now, sometimes it's hard to tell when you're in alignment, when you're a match for it. So I want to distinguish how to tell the difference between alignment versus divergence.
Like, how do you tell which one you're in? Like for me, what l've been developing more succinctly lately and how I check myself is I know that alignment feels like softness in the body. It feels like a curious presence. It feels like a very clean yes. And a sense of timing is like clicking into place. It feels like playfulness. It feels like there's no need for external validation and there can feel like a lot of flow like you're in the current.
Divergence, on the other hand, feels like pressure. Divergence feels like performance. it can feel like resentment or internal noise or guilt or being absolutely obsessed with the outcome or needing to prove something. like anxious attachment really likes to live in divergence. And where it can get a little bit tricky here is sometimes we put pressure on ourselves because of our conditioning, especially as neurodivergent people. So like, for example, when I was running late, had to do a lot of self coaching around the fact that my social battery was low and I didn't feel like socially interacting, but this felt aligned for me. So I was putting pressure on myself to get out of the house and go to the thing, but it wasn't the type of pressure that I was feeling externally. It was more like internalized conditioning. And that's not divergence. That is like, perfectionism that's like feeling like I need to people please and be on time. And so it can get like a little bit tricky to parse out when you either have conditioning from being a female in the patriarchy or from being someone who's neurodivergent or has a chronic illness and is used to masking. But if you're constantly in actual divergence, the answer isn't to hustle harder or script more affirmations. It is to drop into the place where your body can actually hear what is true.
Now of course, you know I am in the process of launching Hot Erotic Messy Money, which is happening on Sunday, July 27th at 8 p.m. Eastern Time.
So let's bring this all back to you and maybe like how to discern if Hot Erotic Messy Money is aligned for you.
This is an intensive where we strip backevery story that you've ever told yourself about money, worthiness, being good enough to receive. And maybe you're wondering is Hot Erotic Messy Money aligned for me? So here's how you can tell.
You are secretly exhausted from trying to fix your money situation with organizations, spreadsheets, and like a bucket load of shame. You are craving softness, erotic energy… I hear the w motorcycles in the background when I said erotic energy… I love it when my surroundings punctuate what I'm saying…. okay, you can tell if you are like craving this softness, erotic energy and like real embodied clarity around your worth and your wealth. If you want to feel alive again, not just like working the math and like the auto payments and the panic.
If you feel the ping. Even if it's scary, even if you're not quote unquote ready, or if you think you're gonna show up late, or you're not gonna be perfect on camera, or you're gonna want the camera off. Like, forget all that stuff. If you feel the ping, it's most likely aligned for you. And you know it's super aligned for you if you are just so done with bypassing all of your challenges around your money relationship and you are ready for a somatic creative and rebellious reclamation.
If that's you, then your body already knows if Hot Erotic Messy Money is aligned for you or not. Again, I do this very delicate dance between like adopting some traditional marketing styles because if I didn't nobody would ever come into my world. And also reminding you that like just because there's like super early bird and early bird phases to get people moving, you still get to be in your agency and decide if this is truly aligned for you.
And whether you pay me or not, as someone who's dedicated to women's empowerment and coaching, hopefully I can give you some of the tools to decide whether it's aligned for you or not. And again, you don't have to manifest this opportunity. you just have to align with it.
So if that means creating boundaries around your time so you can show up, if that means having a conversation with me around questions that you might still have that you're unsure if it's aligned for you or not, I'm available.
You can always send me a message on all the channels or shoot me an email at [email protected] and we can figure out if this is truly aligned for you.
You can still get $100 off through the early bird window but most importantly, you can feel into what wants to happen when you say yes to this type of transformation.
And if you've been in the spiritual coaching world for a minute and you're feeling like a little conditioned, maybe even gaslit into thinking that you're not great at manifesting, I want to remind you that you are so brilliant, you're so talented, and you are so capable, and you are just one shift away from an aligned outcome.
Less manifesting, more alignment is going to get you to where you want to go. And in the process, you'll actually be giving your body what it needs to actually heal. So if it's aligned for you, whether it's Hot Erotic Messy Money or anything else that you're questioning, if it's in alignment for you or not, do the hard thing, do the thing that you know is aligned for you and watch and see just how magical your quote unquote manifesting abilities truly
are.
Okay, that's it for this episode of the Play Big Queen podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. As always, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, take what nourished you, keep what resonated for you, and leave the rest because ultimately, you know best.
This episode is over until next time, we can keep this thing going. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom where it says, join our community, and get on the email list to get all the juicy details about all my offerings and where Play Big Queens play together online, on social media, and in person. We've got a tight community of women claiming their boldest desires, celebrating wins, playing all out, fiercely standing for each other and going higher together. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, put in your email address and confirm your subscription. Once you're in, you'll get all the juicy guides, tips and inspirations and you'll get notified first about all the offers we have for all the big stuff we're doing over here. Go to xxxkatebailey.com to stay in the loop. That's xxxkatebailey.com.
If you like what you heard in this podcast, subscribe, share it with your friends, and if you got something from this, I would appreciate some reviews and ratings. When you take the time to review the podcast, it helps our podcast get out to more women who need it. If you haven't already, head over to iTunes and Spotify and show Play Big Queen some love. Also,
I want you to know that my door is always open and I will always make space for you to be heard and to honor your experience. The views expressed in this podcast are through the lens of my personal identity and my own lived experience. I am a European mix Mediterranean mutt who is an Italian Sicilian, cis heterosexual woman born in New York, experiencing the world in a white body as a multiply neurodivergent.
who lives in a neurodiverse and racially blended family. And like everyone else, my one single perspective comes with its own limitations. I have done personal and professional work around anti-racism, diversity, equity, equality, and inclusion. I am not a therapist or doctor, and any coaching or advice cannot take the place of professional medical, mental health, or healing help. However, that being said,
What happens in my work is often a very powerful additional supplemental or alternative way to heal around identity work, mindset and emotional wellness. Although I am not a licensed therapist, it is worth noting that in addition to being a mentor, I am trained and certified in emergency medicine and response. I have rendered care to over 20,000 patients in the course of my career. I have taught over 15,000 students, many of which had learning disabilities that were undiagnosed and came from diverse cultural backgrounds. I was also a private health college adjunct professor who was responsible for training medical professionals on how to respond to trauma and behavioral emergencies. If you approach me with any concern, you will be met with professionalism, compassion, understanding, support, and a readiness and a willingness to advocate for your needs. That being said, sometimes I just get it wrong.
I am a human being on my own growth journey after all. When I mess up, I'm always available for courageous and crucial conversation that makes way for growth and healing. Your experience and voice matters to me. I sincerely welcome any feedback you feel called to share. You can email your comments or concerns to info at playbigqueen.com knowing that I am open to having any and all crucial conversations needed. Okay.
Remember, you are brilliant. Celebrate yourself. Value your own unique way and honor your own timing. Because you can totally create a life and business that feels good and is successful on your terms. Remember to release expectations of what you think your Play Big process should look like and be willing to do the work that needs to be done to Play Big. But most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, remember to trust yourself and play big queen
Hi, queen. I see you're in it for the long game. If you reach this part of the podcast episode, it means you're interested in learning more about my work, my values, my mission, and my community. So let's go deeper together. I am here to activate neurodivergent women to play bigger and to show you that you are so capable of doing big things and that if you value your own unique way and honor your own timing, you will learn to receive your boldest desires and so much more.
In my world, what makes you different is valued, celebrated, honored, and welcome. I welcome all who identify as female and non-binary folk in my Play Big Queens community. We believe in and support LGBTQIA plus 2S, Black Lives Matter, women's and pro-choice rights, and obviously intersectional identities, including disabilities, neurodivergence, and religious beliefs. Personally, I am pro sex worker rights, pro-Palestinian liberation, against Islamophobia, and against anti-Semitism, and I'm also against any cult-like religions that use beliefs as an excuse to indoctrinate people into abusive, autocratic systems. Like many neurodivergent people, we have big hearts and a strong sense of social justice around here. You are encouraged to stay and play in our Play Big Queen community if you share these values. For those who find the word queen does not resonate.
Perhaps because of imperial associations, the Play Big self archetype can take any form and the invitation and activation remains the same. To learn to embody your Play Big self, to operate from love instead of fear, to go on a Play Big journey in community because you know that no Play Big queen can truly Play Big alone.
To decide to cultivate the courage to use your voice, unmask, reclaim, embrace and embody your brilliance and create a life and business that works with the unique way that you work. Through this work, you will come to know the truth of your brilliance deeply. And as you come to know your authentic self, more and more will begin to open up for you. Knowing your unique brilliance will lead to great success and true belonging. In this world, we take the pressure off and learn to step off the traditional path so you can blaze your own trail. My mission is to get you motivated, inspired, and equipped to get into massive action and go on your very own Play Big journey. My mission is to empower at least 10,000 women to fully step into their Play Big self by offering healing, transformative, inclusive, and neurodiverse-affirming coaching and content.
Through innovative coaching programs, courses, and master classes, we provide the tools, support, sustainability, and community needed to help each woman embrace her unique path to confidence, success, and meaningful impact. If just 10,000 women with invisible disabilities and their allies were empowered with neurodiverse affirming and inclusive communication to express their unique brilliance, step into their authority and autonomy and lead,
the world would experience a profound shift towards inclusivity, innovation, and empathy. These women would break through societal limitations, modeling resilience, creativity, and strength of diversity. Their voices and perspectives, often shaped by unique experiences with challenges and perseverance, would redefine business leadership, inspire systemic change, and create spaces where diverse ways of thinking are not just accepted,
but celebrated. Industries and communities would become more accessible and inclusive with practices that honor varied ways of working, communicating, and achieving. This change would ripple into every area of life and society. Workplaces would become more adaptable, offering a culture of respect for individual strengths. Health care and education systems would improve.
improve centering accessibility and compassion in their approaches and policies would evolve to better support those with invisible challenges benefiting society as a whole. So many women with so much potential are shrinking in the face of their own brilliance, just sitting on the sidelines waiting for permission instead of getting in the game. The activation of the latent potential in these women, their empowerment, making them visible would inspire others, reduce stigma around invisible disabilities, and encourage everyone to lead authentically. Their successes will light the way for countless more women to rise, creating a culture of true diversity where every person feels valued, included, and emboldened to contribute their brilliance and lead with it. If you know you are ready for more clarity, confidence, and you want to embody your play big self and be supported around creating the big vision for your life and business, then send me an email at info at playbigqueen.com telling me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
