Transcript
Play Big Queen Podcast Episode 25
Welcome. You are listening to the Play Big Queen podcast. This is for you if you are a woman who is an entrepreneur, business owner, professional, leader, or someone who is deeply committed to personal growth, self-improvement, transformation, and living authentically. This is especially for you if you have an invisible disability, whether you are diagnosed,
undiagnosed, self-diagnosed, or late diagnosed, and you are working on reclaiming your neurodivergent identity, rebuilding confidence, learning what works for your unique brilliance while breaking free from small, people-pleasing conditioning. If you are a visionary change maker interested in advancing your leadership and creating success on your terms, and you want to leave a legacy, if you are navigating disability or neurodiversity as an individual or as an ally, and you are looking for a support
supportive and inclusive environment to thrive, then this is for you. I am your hostess, Kate Bailey. I am the Play Big Queen. My name is my title and a command for all women. Play Big Queen. I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big self too, if it serves you. I am a business and embodiment mentor working with women who are ready to rise the fuck up and be your bold, beautiful
sexy-ass self, start and grow your big bold vision and claim that you too get to have your boldest desires. I am the creatrix of Kate Bailey LLC, which provides coaching services, educational courses, products and experiences that promote success in neurodiversity advocacy, women's empowerment, embodiment, entrepreneurship and business to serve women on their transformational journey.
To learn more about my company offerings and to get on my email list, go to xxxkatebailey.com. If you would like to learn more about my work, my personal values, my mission and my community, make sure you catch the last five minutes of this episode to go deeper and learn so much more. On this podcast, sometimes we will have guests, sometimes I'll do solo episodes, but every single time you listen, you will expand. So get ready.
It's a new era for women on the PlayBig path. Long may we reign.
Alright, welcome back to the Play Big Queen podcast. I am going to be so fucking for real right now. Typically, what I do every week because I care about my people who are sensitive to sound is I make sure that I tweak the sound output on this podcast to make it sound a little smoother. And to be honest, I just don't have it in me to do all the editing tonight.
This is what we're gonna do. I'm just gonna record it like this. And if the sound isn't that great, take a moment, adjust the equalizer on your end because it was either do it this way or don't do this weekly podcast at all this week. So let me tell you, it has been a week. I had a massive rupture with a big sisterhood and I had to choose to put my boundaries in place and take a big step back from engaging in any conversations so I could make sure that I could be present for another commitment that I was all signed up for this weekend. So it was on my bucket list for a really long time to do the Liquid Motion 1.0 certification. I've been doing pole dance for a really long time. I've had an interesting journey with my body.
I call myself a pound for pound dancer. I've been like 145 pounds, I've been 210 pounds, and my weight goes up and down depending on whatever boogeyman autoimmune stuff has been going on. Likely there's some like rheumatoid arthritis. It's something that's kind of prevalent in my family.
And lately I've been feeling like I have shin splints and sharp pain in all of my extremities whenever I put any kind of pressure on them. Sometimes it happens when I'm running, jumping rope. It's definitely happening when I'm dancing. And I have a doctor's appointment set up. I'm working on getting referred to a rheumatologist to kind of get to the bottom of it. But in the meantime…
I still have goals and I still have things that I want to do and I still want to grow in certain areas. And I signed up for the Liquid Motion 1.0 certification. I was like, I am going to do it. And I'm so glad that I did. It was intense, like every day from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., mountain time. We were like either moving or learning about moves. And I'm doing all of this since ADHD medication. I'm doing all of this navigating a very new body that just operates differently now. And a lot of the movement is based in pelvic tilting and tucking and just like really moving from the pelvis, right? So a lot of other dance, you might move from like your chest or your arms, or sometimes you're doing a booty shake, but like this initiates most of the movement from the pelvis. And it's something that I really needed. And if you know somatics, a lot of grief, a lot of sadness can be stored in the hips. And so I have like literally for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, been moving my hips, going through the ups and downs of emoting, learning this new modality, getting scooped up into a new pole community. Because Liquid Motion, yes, they do pole, they do wall dance, but they also do all the super sensual floor work.
But the cool thing I found out, especially going into the certification program, is that you don't go in there to learn to be sexy. You learn to connect to your body and your senses, which through my work, an embodiment we know I am all about. So, oh, I've got things that I didn't know could hurt hurting right now. I have like a bruised sacrum. I have little floor kisses on my shoulders from doing shoulder rolls. All the muscles that used to be so active during my athletic years are like now fully awake and on fire and my joints are navigating whatever my joints are navigating with this still undiagnosed autoimmune stuff. So I've been taking baths every day. I've been taking exquisite care of myself, drinking bone broth, having vegetables, making sure I'm on top of all my supplements. I have been doing the damn thing and I have been all in and caring for myself in this process. But…
Through this process, you know, I've been doing what I normally do. I've been writing on social media and I've been promoting hot, erotic, messy money. And in the process of this weekend, I've really been sitting with this idea of discomfort, right? And how it relates to this discomfort of being neurodivergent or being someone who lives with an invisible disability. If you hear the water running in the background, that's like the water running through my walls. Again, for my sound-sensitive people, I apologize. Other people who like the ambient ASMR sound, I don't know, maybe you're all about it, but just know I'm over here caring about your sensory experience. But yeah, there's water running in the background. But anyways, I was sitting with this idea of the discomfort, right? Being neurodivergent or having an invisible disability really means sitting in discomfort like a lot, right?
We have this discomfort when we miss a social cue. We have discomfort when our brains move faster or slower than the conversation or our words, right? Like if we're not participating because we're locked inside our minds or we're speaking too much, quote unquote, too much because we're hyperverbal, right? We also have discomfort when our needs aren't understood or when they're dismissed entirely. And we spend so much of our lives learning to sit with our own discomfort, right? And we do this for so many different reasons. We do this to self-soothe, we do this to mask, sometimes we over explain, we sit with the discomfort to regulate, and sometimes we sit with the discomfort to apologize for how our brains and bodies work. But it is absolutely necessary to draw lines when other people are not willing to get uncomfortable and they expect you to carry all the weight of discomfort alone. And so that's a big experience that I had with this rupture this weekend. And then I also was thinking about like, wow, like I don't want to bypass the signals from my body that my body needs rest, but like I'm not someone who's not going to take on a challenge, you know, like I'm willing to sit in the discomfort of learning something new and my body really being challenged for like three days in a row, right?
But what's so important is even though we're so well equipped to sit in discomfort, I want you to know that if you are neurodivergent, if you have an invisible disability, that you do not need to sit in the discomfort of other people's ableism, of being taken out on you. You do not have to twist yourself inside out to make other people comfortable with your differences. And you do not have to carry the weight of their unprocessed feelings about you. If anybody has confusion or discomfort about you, that is not your fault. Their discomfort is not your emotional labor to manage. And their lack of understanding is not your burden to fix. You deserve spaces where you're not just tolerated, but actually respected and embraced. And it took me a long time to understand that for myself to the point where I could articulate those boundaries and not let the spaces that don't tolerate me or don't respect me or don't embrace me get in the way of the spaces that do grow me and expand me, right?
So I think it's really important to talk about the role of discomfort in leadership and wealth. But first, hang on a second, I need some more hot water here. Cover your ears if the water sound bothers you.
Okay, that's much better. I just needed a little more hot water on my feet. Okay, because everything is hurting down to my toes. Okay, where was I? Yeah, the role of discomfort in leadership and wealth, right? So the wild part about all of this is sitting with discomfort is absolutely necessary. It's a part of leadership, right? Like sitting in discomfort is what makes neurodivergent people and people with invisible disabilities so incredible at leading. We have a situational confidence about us that so many people don't have because they just don't have the experience of being that uncomfortable in life, right? And it's part of creating a life that really leads to true pleasure and happiness, being able to sit in that discomfort. And it's part of becoming who you are here to be in this lifetime, right?
There's a very important distinction. The discomfort that you sit with should be the kind that grows you, not the kind that shrinks you, right? I kind of mentioned this in passing before, but like I really want to stick this point home, right? Like discomfort that grows you, that expands you, that expands your consciousness, your critical thought, that is the type of discomfort you want to be sitting in, not the kind that doesn't respect you or subjects you to manipulation or the kind that makes you feel small and out of your power. It's one thing to feel anxious and nervous and you know you're growing and you can kind of feel like you're growing. It's totally another to be cut down in certain situations. And that is why in my own life and business, I am choosing to sit in the discomfort of facing specifically my money shame, right? If you're a fellow ADHDer, I know you know the shame, right? You could be making a million dollars and blow it tomorrow. Like you could be doing so well and then just feel a lot of shame and be dysregulated around money. And some of this is the way we're wired, right? Some of this is the way we do dopamine. Some of this is the challenges that we face in like really thinking long-term instead of like thinking about what's right in front of us.
And sometimes we have a high risk tolerance, right? But to look at the places personally where I still feel small, afraid or unworthy, especially around money, is a discomfort that I'm willing to sit in, to let myself be seen in this messiness, right? Now, I think it's so important to remember that we sit in this messiness, set in this discomfort because we know that true wealth and belonging does not come from pretending we have it all together. And if you're listening to this in your car or where you're walking somewhere or just cleaning your house, I know your ears probably perked up, right? Like listen to it again. I know it's hard. I know it's super uncomfortable.
But true wealth and belonging does not come from pretending we have it all together. It comes from meeting ourselves honestly with so much devotion and curiosity. And I want to just like invite you for a moment to practice something with me now. I'm in the bathtub, do it with me now. I'm like naked and vulnerable. You can take a moment and be vulnerable with yourself.
Let's do a practice together. I want you to try to just like find your seat. If you're driving, definitely don't close your eyes, but maybe soften your gaze and feel the chair beneath you and just notice where your body meets support.
Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and inhale slowly through your nose. And imagine that your breath is moving all the way down into your hips. Oh I need this too. I've been moving my hips all weekend. Just imagine your breath is swirling around in your hips and exhale through your mouth with a big sigh. Let it out. When you exhale, your shoulders soften and fall away from your ears.
And then just kind of repeat this process to yourself like three times. Find your seat, feel your hand on your heart and your belly. Inhale slowly through your nose. Imagine your breath moving all the way down to your hips. Exhale through your mouth with a big sigh. Let your shoulders soften down and do it again.
And let's just do this one more time. Find your seat, feel the chair beneath you. Notice where your body meets support. Place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. Inhale slowly through your nose and imagine your breath moving all the way down to your hips. And exhale through your mouth with a sigh and let your shoulders soften.
And if you were not sitting in a seat and you were walking, that is totally okay. Just like listening to it and imagining it is enough. But at the end of this, I want you to whisper to yourself, I am allowed to take up space with my needs. I am allowed to feel safe with money.
This is such a simple practice that helps you, helps your nervous system.
This is such a simple practice that helps your nervous system register safety so you can begin to choose curiosity over collapse. So today, again, I am choosing the discomfort that expands me, the discomfort that builds right relationship with my money and my leadership, the discomfort that makes room for more pleasure, more power and more freedom—not the discomfort of other people's projections. And if you're ready to sit in that same liberating, life-changing discomfort, the kind that transforms your relationship to money from the inside out, then my Play Big Queen, I want to again personally invite you into hot, erotic, messy money if you're not in there already.
If you are, I'm so excited and I cannot wait to move with you. We have—I don't know, we're in the double digits. People are in the program now. I don't have the exact number right now, but people are coming in. This is a space where you stop shrinking and you start reclaiming every part of you, including the way you hold, receive, and the way that you steward wealth.
Also, here is another somatic tool that you can use to gently stretch your capacity for holding more wealth. I want you to imagine that you are holding a small amount of money in your hand. It could be a \$5 bill or a few coins. And just notice what happens in your body when you think about receiving more.
Do your shoulders tighten? Does your belly clench? Breathe into those sensations. Say it to yourself: it is safe to receive. I can hold more. I am allowed to be resourced. Practice this often. Rewind this as many times as you need it. The more you normalize these sensations, the more you feel comfortable with these words and naturalize these types of affirmations.
It's safe to receive. I can hold more. I am allowed to be resourced. The more you do this, the more you can expand your nervous system's capacity to hold abundance without collapse, without panic, without a nervous system shake-up. Listen, you deserve to feel powerful with money. So do I.
We all deserve to be able to lead in our lives without apology. And we deserve leadership with wealth that feels embodied, sacred and true. And if this episode resonates with you, if you're ready to step into the discomfort that grows you, come take your seat inside hot, erotic, messy money—because you do not have to do this alone. And in fact, I prefer to do this in community.
So join us now, the door is open. I'm going to leave the link in the show notes. And of course you can find it on my social media at all the places at Play Big Queen. That's the handle. We should know it by now, right? Like if you want to come in, just go find the link on one of my pages or places.
And let this be the space where you meet your next level of freedom. Thank you so much for being here, for the courageous work that you are doing to face and reclaim your relationship with money, to deconstruct imperfection. If you found this episode supportive, please share it with someone who might need this message. Hot, erotic, messy money is so much more fun with friends. Invite all your friends.
And if you're ready to dive deeper, I will see you inside hot, erotic, messy money.
Okay, that's it for this episode of the Play Big Queen podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. As always, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, take what nourished you, keep what resonated for you, and leave the rest because ultimately, you know best.
This episode is over until next time, we can keep this thing going. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom where it says, join our community, and get on the email list to get all the juicy details about all my offerings and where Play Big Queens play together online, on social media, and in person. We've got a tight community of women claiming their boldest desires, celebrating wins, playing all out, fiercely standing for each other and going higher together. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, put in your email address and confirm your subscription. Once you're in, you'll get all the juicy guides, tips and inspirations and you'll get notified first about all the offers we have for all the big stuff we're doing over here. Go to xxxkatebailey.com to stay in the loop. That's xxxkatebailey.com.
If you like what you heard in this podcast, subscribe, share it with your friends, and if you got something from this, I would appreciate some reviews and ratings. When you take the time to review the podcast, it helps our podcast get out to more women who need it. If you haven't already, head over to iTunes and Spotify and show Play Big Queen some love. Also,
I want you to know that my door is always open and I will always make space for you to be heard and to honor your experience. The views expressed in this podcast are through the lens of my personal identity and my own lived experience. I am a European mix Mediterranean mutt who is an Italian Sicilian, cis heterosexual woman born in New York, experiencing the world in a white body as a multiply neurodivergent.
who lives in a neurodiverse and racially blended family. And like everyone else, my one single perspective comes with its own limitations. I have done personal and professional work around anti-racism, diversity, equity, equality, and inclusion. I am not a therapist or doctor, and any coaching or advice cannot take the place of professional medical, mental health, or healing help. However, that being said,
What happens in my work is often a very powerful additional supplemental or alternative way to heal around identity work, mindset and emotional wellness. Although I am not a licensed therapist, it is worth noting that in addition to being a mentor, I am trained and certified in emergency medicine and response. I have rendered care to over 20,000 patients in the course of my career. I have taught over 15,000 students, many of which had learning disabilities that were undiagnosed and came from diverse cultural backgrounds. I was also a private health college adjunct professor who was responsible for training medical professionals on how to respond to trauma and behavioral emergencies. If you approach me with any concern, you will be met with professionalism, compassion, understanding, support, and a readiness and a willingness to advocate for your needs. That being said, sometimes I just get it wrong.
I am a human being on my own growth journey after all. When I mess up, I'm always available for courageous and crucial conversation that makes way for growth and healing. Your experience and voice matters to me. I sincerely welcome any feedback you feel called to share. You can email your comments or concerns to info at playbigqueen.com knowing that I am open to having any and all crucial conversations needed. Okay.
Remember, you are brilliant. Celebrate yourself. Value your own unique way and honor your own timing. Because you can totally create a life and business that feels good and is successful on your terms. Remember to release expectations of what you think your Play Big process should look like and be willing to do the work that needs to be done to Play Big. But most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, remember to trust yourself and play big queen
Hi, queen. I see you're in it for the long game. If you reach this part of the podcast episode, it means you're interested in learning more about my work, my values, my mission, and my community. So let's go deeper together. I am here to activate neurodivergent women to play bigger and to show you that you are so capable of doing big things and that if you value your own unique way and honor your own timing, you will learn to receive your boldest desires and so much more.
In my world, what makes you different is valued, celebrated, honored, and welcome. I welcome all who identify as female and non-binary folk in my Play Big Queens community. We believe in and support LGBTQIA plus 2S, Black Lives Matter, women's and pro-choice rights, and obviously intersectional identities, including disabilities, neurodivergence, and religious beliefs. Personally, I am pro sex worker rights, pro-Palestinian liberation, against Islamophobia, and against anti-Semitism, and I'm also against any cult-like religions that use beliefs as an excuse to indoctrinate people into abusive, autocratic systems. Like many neurodivergent people, we have big hearts and a strong sense of social justice around here. You are encouraged to stay and play in our Play Big Queen community if you share these values. For those who find the word queen does not resonate.
Perhaps because of imperial associations, the Play Big self archetype can take any form and the invitation and activation remains the same. To learn to embody your Play Big self, to operate from love instead of fear, to go on a Play Big journey in community because you know that no Play Big queen can truly Play Big alone.
To decide to cultivate the courage to use your voice, unmask, reclaim, embrace and embody your brilliance and create a life and business that works with the unique way that you work. Through this work, you will come to know the truth of your brilliance deeply. And as you come to know your authentic self, more and more will begin to open up for you. Knowing your unique brilliance will lead to great success and true belonging. In this world, we take the pressure off and learn to step off the traditional path so you can blaze your own trail. My mission is to get you motivated, inspired, and equipped to get into massive action and go on your very own Play Big journey. My mission is to empower at least 10,000 women to fully step into their Play Big self by offering healing, transformative, inclusive, and neurodiverse-affirming coaching and content.
Through innovative coaching programs, courses, and master classes, we provide the tools, support, sustainability, and community needed to help each woman embrace her unique path to confidence, success, and meaningful impact. If just 10,000 women with invisible disabilities and their allies were empowered with neurodiverse affirming and inclusive communication to express their unique brilliance, step into their authority and autonomy and lead,
the world would experience a profound shift towards inclusivity, innovation, and empathy. These women would break through societal limitations, modeling resilience, creativity, and strength of diversity. Their voices and perspectives, often shaped by unique experiences with challenges and perseverance, would redefine business leadership, inspire systemic change, and create spaces where diverse ways of thinking are not just accepted,
but celebrated. Industries and communities would become more accessible and inclusive with practices that honor varied ways of working, communicating, and achieving. This change would ripple into every area of life and society. Workplaces would become more adaptable, offering a culture of respect for individual strengths. Health care and education systems would improve centering accessibility and compassion in their approaches and policies would evolve to better support those with invisible challenges benefiting society as a whole. So many women with so much potential are shrinking in the face of their own brilliance, just sitting on the sidelines waiting for permission instead of getting in the game.
The activation of the latent potential in these women, their empowerment, making them visible would inspire others, reduce stigma around invisible disabilities, and encourage everyone to lead authentically. Their successes will light the way for countless more women to rise, creating a culture of true diversity where every person feels valued, included, and emboldened to contribute their brilliance and lead with it. If you know you are ready for more clarity, confidence, and you want to embody your play big self and be supported around creating the big vision for your life and business, then send me an email at info at playbigqueen.com telling me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
