Welcome. You are listening to the Play Big Queen podcast. This is for you if you are a woman who is an entrepreneur, business owner, professional, leader, or someone who is deeply committed to personal growth, self-improvement, transformation, and living authentically. This is especially for you if you have an invisible disability, whether you are diagnosed,
undiagnosed, self-diagnosed, or late diagnosed, and you are working on reclaiming your neurodivergent identity, rebuilding confidence, learning what works for your unique brilliance while breaking free from small, people-pleasing conditioning. If you are a visionary change maker interested in advancing your leadership and creating success on your terms, and you want to leave a legacy, if you are navigating disability or neurodiversity as an individual or as an ally, and you are looking for a support
supportive and inclusive environment to thrive, then this is for you. I am your hostess, Kate Bailey. I am the Play Big Queen. My name is my title and a command for all women. Play Big Queen. I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big self too, if it serves you. I am a business and embodiment mentor working with women who are ready to rise the fuck up and be your bold, beautiful
sexy-ass self, start and grow your big bold vision and claim that you too get to have your boldest desires. I am the creatrix of Kate Bailey LLC, which provides coaching services, educational courses, products and experiences that promote success in neurodiversity advocacy, women's empowerment, embodiment, entrepreneurship and business to serve women on their transformational journey.
To learn more about my company offerings and to get on my email list, go to xxxkatebailey.com. If you would like to learn more about my work, my personal values, my mission and my community, make sure you catch the last five minutes of this episode to go deeper and learn so much more. On this podcast, sometimes we will have guests, sometimes I'll do solo episodes, but every single time you listen, you will expand. So get ready.
Kate Bailey (02:22.04)
It's a new era for women on the PlayBig path. Long may we reign. Welcome back to the PlayBigQueen podcast. Today's episode is a little different. It's a reckoning. It's a mirror. And it's a resource I hope gets passed around in leadership circles, executive teams, and all those slack threads where people are asking, how do we make our culture more inclusive? Or...
What are we missing? Because if you've ever asked those questions, you're already doing better than most. But asking them isn't enough. You have to be willing to feel uncomfortable with the answers you receive. And today, we are going to go there. Now, I am someone who is fairly practiced in the language of inclusion. I live it, I teach it, I model it. But every now and then,
I find myself kicking what I call a hornet's nest of ableism, this buzzing mess of invisible hostility that lives and buzzes just under the surface of many so-called inclusive spaces. It's often tangled with unspoken anger toward women, toward neurodivergent folks, toward anyone with an invisible disability who doesn't think, perform, or communicate.
the way the dominant culture expects them to. And when that hornet's nest gets stirred up, it stings. I grieve. I rage. I retreat. Because it's exhausting to hold the standard for inclusion while also advocating for my own humanity. This is the invisible labor of so many marginalized leaders. We are trying to build a better world
while surviving the very forces we are trying to change. So what, pray tell, can a Play Big Queen do in the face of all that? She rests. She breathes. She reminds herself that grief isn't a weakness, it's data. Grief means a Play Big Queen cares. She recognizes.
Kate Bailey (04:46.404)
her passion and how much she cares, and then she decides that she is going to do what she is made for. She leads with love, with clarity, with truth, even when the truth is inconvenient, even when she's the only one willing to say it out loud. She becomes a compass.
not just for herself, but for the entire room, and by extension, the company, the business, because she is willing to stand on business. And she also remembers that real inclusion does not follow the current, it redirects it. Here's what I've noticed over and over again. Inclusion is often treated like a checkbox, a statement on a website,
an image choice in a brochure, but when it comes down to language, behavior, to who gets centered in the decision making, the language of authentic inclusion is unmistakable. And when leadership doesn't know the dialect, the gaps show. Most people, especially in leadership, have never been taught the dialect of authentic inclusion. They think that they're fluent, but they're really just
repeating phrases that they've heard. It's like being an Instagram psychologist. They didn't actually study it or do the work, but they're saying the things. And they value inclusion, so they believe that saying these things and them aligning with their values is enough. But this is the exact place where performative inclusion sneaks in.
Let's break it down with a little dialectal modeling. Authentic inclusion sounds like, thank you for bringing that up. How can we do better? We don't have an answer yet, but we're open to change. If the system isn't working for everyone, we're willing to reevaluate how we do things. We hear you. Let's co-create a solution together.
Kate Bailey (07:06.86)
Authentic inclusion means discomfort is part of the process and we welcome that discomfort knowing we can get through it together. Now the dialect of performative inclusion sounds like we're inclusive but we can't make exceptions. That's just the way we've always done it. They can reach out if they feel excluded. We welcome everyone who fits our mold. One version
of this language creates space. The other maintains control. Authentic inclusion fosters authentic leadership. Authentic leadership is always asking the question, how can we take responsibility for how we show up in action according to the values that we say we hold? Whereas
Performative leadership defaults to authoritarian style leadership where the process can only look one way and the people doing the work are always responsible for the results. And if they don't deliver, it's not because of your leadership, it must be on them. Performative leadership and performative inclusion puts the burden back on to the individual instead of taking on the responsibility
to get the business or organization's actions in line with their values. Instead, performative inclusion shifts the burden back onto the individual and asks them to fit in with the hope of being included. Authentic leadership knows that inclusion isn't something we only do when it's easy or convenient. It's something we build together often that takes extra work, but that extra work
leads to you, your leadership, your business, your company, being in authentic alignment with your values. And that builds integrity, which is a kind of equity that is incredibly rare, but also incredibly profitable, although that's not why we do it. So to make authentic inclusion real, we have to understand that authentic inclusion is not abstract.
Kate Bailey (09:25.882)
There are many different variables and many different metrics. And when you start being willing to look at your metrics, you can improve because you cannot improve what you do not measure. So specifically, authentic inclusion might look like asking, what do you need in order to fully participate here? And asking that question before anyone has to come to you to ask you for what they need to participate.
Authentic inclusion looks like designing access into your very structure, flexible schedules, captions, breaks, creating emotional safety, fostering an environment of curiosity and continual feedback, letting people that you work with know that you can name the harm because it's emotionally safe for them to name when they feel harmed and create processes for repair.
not silence or exile. And part of that requires leaders to be able to center the person that comes to them and says that they have experienced harm. For the leaders to center that person's experience, not judge it, whether you agree with it or not, just truly center and listen to their experience and accept their experience as truth that this person feels harm.
And again, to get curious instead of defensive, to ask them, tell me more about that. To stay in the observer perspective while measuring all of the variables in your business to see if it's actually being more inclusive or not. Staying in the observer role, measuring, not getting defensive, being open to hearing.
feedback that might give you an initial emotional response or make everybody feel awkward or uncomfortable, you are in authentic leadership when you welcome that in. When you are willing to share power, slow down meetings, and embrace multiple communication styles, then inclusion becomes a felt experience by everyone. It's not just policy. It's not just words.
Kate Bailey (11:49.538)
but nervous systems that can actually relax. People stop masking. Talent starts becoming more expressed, and that's a marker of true leadership when they can bring out talent in their team. When they create an environment where that talent and brilliance is safe to be seen. Trust gets built in those environments. And a whole new level of
brilliance and talent becomes available to you as a leader because people are unmasked. People are giving you raw, honest feedback, which then turns into accurate data about how you can improve. The word authentic implies that something is real. So if people don't feel safe enough to be real with you, do you actually have authentic leadership?
No, you have to create the space where individual lived experiences and individual experiences of harm can be expressed, centered, acknowledged, and then you can build processes around that to prevent harm in the future. Because that's where a legacy of real authentic leadership begins. And again, authentic inclusion isn't convenient.
Right? It's not a checkbox. It's not a one and done initiative. It's a practice. And like any real practice, the practice of authentic inclusion can be messy. It is humbling because it's not always comfortable, but it is transformative. It is a powerful catalyst for real change because it demands that a group chooses its people over performance.
And when you choose people over performance, you are playing the long game. You are investing in having staying power that stands the test of time. And if you are listening to this right now, I believe that you are someone who wants to build something better. So here is your next step. Share this episode. Share the conversation in your next meeting. So...
Kate Bailey (14:11.765)
the dialect of authentic inclusion can start making its way into your leadership. Model the dialect of inclusion in the spaces that you lead. Learn more about it. This is a starting point. This is an invitation for you to jump into a world where you can use AI, chat GPT, Gemini, Google, YouTube, and get more examples of the dialectal modeling.
that is needed for inclusive leadership and authentic inclusion. Because we are not just building better workplaces and better businesses. We are building a better world. We are building spaces and places that you spend most of your time in your life. We are working on creating spaces where you truly get to be yourself and people truly get to be themselves with you.
where we get to find talent that we didn't know was right under our nose, where we could be relaxed and connected to ourselves and each other while we're working towards a common goal. And that's just healthier. We talk about work-life balance all the time. If you want it to be more balanced, you have to start bringing in the values and the authenticity.
into the spaces that you are working in every single day. We get to redefine what it means to be professional. It's not just about how you hold your standards for how you do your hair and how you dress for work. It's about aligning what you do, what you say, and what you feel. It's about integrity, authentic leadership, and authentic conclusion. So let's
do the messy work of getting some rubber to meet the road. If you are in a position of power, I wanna gently challenge you to journal on these questions, take some time and be so, so real, raw and unfiltered with yourself with these answers. Number one, are you centering comfort or are you creating change?
Kate Bailey (16:36.959)
Number two, are you willing to slow down and rebuild when something's not working?
Kate Bailey (16:47.639)
Question number three, are you saying you are inclusive just for optics or for the people who will never thrive until you do? Asking hard questions and being able to stay regulated when you hear the uncomfortable answers is what is going to truly grow you as a leader, grow your team of leaders into being the real deal.
Your workplaces, businesses, and companies will be authentically inclusive because you will be in authentic leadership. I'm sure we've all heard at one point or another in our lives, you get out what you put in, you buy a crummy cheap made product and it breaks. You're like, well, what do you want for a dollar? If you're cheap with your time around doing the actual work of inclusion,
then you can't realistically expect to have a space that is authentically inclusive or for you to be in authentic leadership. There's no way around it. You got to put the work in. But the good news is if you're listening to this, you're probably already leadership material. Maybe you're already leading and you've probably proved to yourself on numerous other occasions that you can do hard things.
You can have the hard conversations. You can sit in the discomfort. You can measure what's not working and improve. You can grow. And you can play big if you choose to. Okay, that's it for this episode of the Play Big Queen podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. As always, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, take what nourishes you, keep what resonated for you, and leave the rest because ultimately, you know best.
This episode is over until next time, we can keep this thing going. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom where it says, Join Our Community, and get on the email list to get all the juicy details about all my offerings and where Play Big Queens play together online, on social media, and in person. We've got a tight community of women claiming their boldest desires, celebrating wins, playing all out, fiercely standing for each other.
Kate Bailey (19:07.835)
and going higher together. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, put in your email address and confirm your subscription. Once you're in, you'll get all the juicy guides, tips and inspirations and you'll get notified first about all the offers we have for all the big stuff we're doing over here. Go to xxxkatebailey.com to stay in the loop. That's xxxkatebailey.com.
If you like what you heard in this podcast, subscribe, share it with your friends, and if you got something from this, I would appreciate some reviews and ratings. When you take the time to review the podcast, it helps our podcast get out to more women who need it. If you haven't already, head over to iTunes and Spotify and show Play Big Queen some love. Also,
I want you to know that my door is always open and I will always make space for you to be heard and to honor your experience. The views expressed in this podcast are through the lens of my personal identity and my own lived experience. I am a European mix, Mediterranean mutt, who is an Italian, Sicilian, cis heterosexual woman born in New York, experiencing the world in a white body as a multiply neurodivergent.
who lives in a neurodiverse and racially blended family. And like everyone else, my one single perspective comes with its own limitations. I have done personal and professional work around anti-racism, diversity, equity, equality, and inclusion. I am not a therapist or doctor, and any coaching or advice cannot take the place of professional medical, mental health, or healing help. However, that being said,
What happens in my work is often a very powerful additional supplemental or alternative way to heal around identity work, mindset and emotional wellness. Although I am not a licensed therapist, it is worth noting that in addition to being a mentor, I am trained and certified in emergency medicine and response. I have rendered care to over 20,000 patients in the course of my career. I have taught over 15,000 students, many of which
Kate Bailey (21:15.79)
at learning disabilities that were undiagnosed and came from diverse cultural backgrounds. I was also a private health college adjunct professor who was responsible for training medical professionals on how to respond to trauma and behavioral emergencies. If you approach me with any concern, you will be met with professionalism, compassion, tact, understanding, support, and a readiness and a willingness to advocate for your needs. That being said, sometimes I just get it wrong.
I am a human being on my own growth journey after all. When I mess up, I'm always available for courageous and crucial conversation that makes way for growth and healing. Your experience and voice matters to me. I sincerely welcome any feedback you feel called to share. You can email your comments or concerns to info at playbigqueen.com knowing that I am open to having any and all crucial conversations needed. Okay, remember,
You are brilliant. Celebrate yourself. Value your own unique way and honor your own timing. Because you can totally create a life and business that feels good and is successful on your terms. Remember to release expectations of what you think your Play Big process should look like and be willing to do the work that needs to be done to play big. But most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, remember to trust yourself and Play Big Clean.
Kate Bailey (22:48.508)
Hi, Queen. I see you're in it for the long game. If you reach this part of the podcast episode, it means you're interested in learning more about my work, my values, my mission, and my community. So let's go deeper together. I am here to activate neurodivergent women to play bigger and to show you that you are so capable of doing big things and that if you value your own unique way and honor your own timing, you will learn to receive your boldest desires and so much more.
In my world, what makes you different is valued, celebrated, honored, and welcome. I welcome all who identify as female and non-binary folk in my Play Big Queens community. We believe in and support LGBTQIA plus 2S, Black Lives Matter, women's and pro-choice rights, and obviously intersectional identities, including disabilities, neurodivergence, and religious beliefs. Personally, I am pro-sex worker rights.
pro-Palestinian liberation, against Islamophobia, and against anti-Semitism, and I'm also against any cult-like religions that use beliefs as an excuse to indoctrinate people into abusive, autocratic systems. Like many neurodivergent people, we have big hearts and a strong sense of social justice around here. You are encouraged to stay and play in our Play Big Queen community if you share these values. For those who find the word queen does not resonate.
Perhaps because of imperial associations, the Play Big self archetype can take any form and the invitation and activation remains the same. To learn to embody your Play Big self, to operate from love instead of fear, to go on a Play Big journey in community because you know that no Play Big queen can truly Play Big.
alone. To decide to cultivate the courage to use your voice, unmask, reclaim, embrace, and embody your brilliance and create a life and business that works with the unique way that you work. Through this work, you will come to know the truth of your brilliance deeply. And as you come to know your authentic self, more and more will begin to open up for you. Knowing your unique brilliance will lead to great success and true belonging. In this world, we take the pressure off.
Kate Bailey (25:04.4)
and learn to step off the traditional path so you can blaze your own trail. My mission is to get you motivated, inspired, and equipped to get into massive action and go on your very own Play Big journey. My mission is to empower at least 10,000 women to fully step into their Play Big self by offering healing, transformative, inclusive, and neurodiverse-affirming coaching and content.
Through innovative coaching programs, courses, and master classes, we provide the tools, support, sustainability, and community needed to help each woman embrace her unique path to confidence, success, and meaningful impact. If just 10,000 women with invisible disabilities and their allies were empowered with neurodiverse affirming and inclusive communication to express their unique brilliance, step into their authority and autonomy and lead,
the world would experience a profound shift towards inclusivity, innovation, and empathy. These women would break through societal limitations, modeling resilience, creativity, and strength of diversity. Their voices and perspectives, often shaped by unique experiences with challenges and perseverance, would redefine business leadership, inspire systemic change, and create spaces where diverse ways of thinking are not just accepted.
but celebrated. Industries and communities would become more accessible and inclusive with practices that honor varied ways of working, communicating, and achieving. This change would ripple into every area of life and society. Workplaces would become more adaptable, offering a culture of respect for individual strengths, health care, and education systems.
would improve centering accessibility and compassion in their approaches and policies would evolve to better support those with invisible challenges benefiting society as a whole. So many women with so much potential are shrinking in the face of their own brilliance, just sitting on the sidelines waiting for permission instead of getting in the game. The activation of the latent potential in these women, their empowerment, making them visible,
Kate Bailey (27:16.203)
would inspire others, reduce stigma around invisible disabilities, and encourage everyone to lead authentically. Their successes will light the way for countless more women to rise, creating a culture of true diversity where every person feels valued, included, and emboldened to contribute their brilliance and lead with it. If you know you are ready for more clarity, confidence, and you want to embody your play big self and be supported around creating the
big vision for your life and business, then send me an email at info at playbigqueen.com telling me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
