Transcript
Play Big Queen Podcast Episode 10: Building Unshakable Confidence: Strategies for Neurodivergent Women Entrepreneurs
Welcome. You are listening to the Play Big Queen podcast. This is for you if you are a woman who is an entrepreneur, business owner, professional, leader, or someone who is deeply committed to personal growth, self-improvement, transformation, and living authentically. This is especially for you if you have an invisible disability, whether you are diagnosed,
undiagnosed, self-diagnosed, or late diagnosed, and you are working on reclaiming your neurodivergent identity, rebuilding confidence, learning what works for your unique brilliance while breaking free from small, people-pleasing conditioning. If you are a visionary change maker interested in advancing your leadership and creating success on your terms, and you want to leave a legacy, if you are navigating disability or neurodiversity as an individual or as an ally, and you are looking for a support
supportive and inclusive environment to thrive, then this is for you. I am your hostess, Kate Bailey. I am the Play Big Queen. My name is my title and a command for all women. Play Big Queen. I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big self too, if it serves you. I am a business and embodiment mentor working with women who are ready to rise the fuck up and be your bold, beautiful
sexy-ass self, start and grow your big bold vision and claim that you too get to have your boldest desires. I am the creatrix of Kate Bailey LLC, which provides coaching services, educational courses, products and experiences that promote success in neurodiversity advocacy, women's empowerment, embodiment, entrepreneurship and business to serve women on their transformational journey.
To learn more about my company offerings and to get on my email list, go to xxxkatebailey.com. If you would like to learn more about my work, my personal values, my mission and my community, make sure you catch the last five minutes of this episode to go deeper and learn so much more. On this podcast, sometimes we will have guests, sometimes I'll do solo episodes, but every single time you listen, you will expand. So get ready.
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It's a new era for women on the PlayBig path. Long may we reign.
Hey gorgeous, welcome back to the Play Big Queen podcast. I'm so happy you're here. I'm your host, Kate Bailey, business and embodiment mentor, neurodiversity advocate, and your personal confidence boosting hype queen for playing big on your terms. I'm really excited for this episode because we are going into a topic that is absolutely fundamental and foundational for every neurodivergent woman entrepreneur, building
unshakable confidence. If you've ever questioned yourself, struggled with imposter syndrome, or felt like you had to mask just to fit in the business world, this episode is for you. I'm going to break down the unique confidence challenges that neurodivergent women face and give you real practical strategies to build confidence that actually sticks. No toxic
positivity, no delulu, fake it till you make it, nonsense, just real embodied confidence that lets you own your unique brilliance. Does that sound good? All right, let's do this. First, I think it's important to share with you what confidence truly is. Confidence comes from the Latin form fidere, which means to trust. So having confidence means that you have trust in yourself.
But here's the thing, trust is earned. And let's be super real here. Confidence isn't just hard, it's different for women with invisible disabilities and neurodivergent women who have had our self-trust shattered by patriarchal or ableist systems. Most confidence advice out there assumes that we're all on this level playing field. It doesn't take into account a lifetime of being misunderstood,
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or underestimated, the impact of masking and people pleasing, the neurodivergent experience where we get conditioned into a small self-concept during our early social development years, executive function challenges that can make consistency difficult, sensory sensitivity, rejection sensitivity, and social burnout. When you have spent years
adapting to environments that weren't built for you, it's easy to internalize the idea that you're the problem. When really, it's the system that was never designed for neurodivergent brilliance. So first things first, if you've ever struggled with confidence, no, it's not your fault. Don't get down on yourself thinking that something's wrong with you because there's not. What's more true,
is that you're likely navigating a world that often doesn't see or support your strengths as someone with ADHD or an invisible challenge or disability. But today, we're going to do some work to flip that narrative and claim your confidence on your terms. The secret to embodied confidence is in the authentic definition of the word confidence that I shared, right? It's about
Trust. Confidence is not about being fearless, which is the message that we get most often, right? Like, in fact, just get that out of your mindset altogether. Being fearless isn't actually a thing. We all have fear. It's a natural function of the human body. Fear serves a function. But confidence is trusting yourself so much that you are willing to walk with any fear through any fire as your play big self.
For neurodivergent women, confidence does not mean being fearless. It doesn't mean always feeling ready before you take action. It doesn't mean being the loudest person in the room or forcing yourself to work in ways that drain you. Instead, real confidence looks like trusting your process and your instincts, even when they go against the status quo or what people are comfortable with. Real embodied confidence is owning your unique strengths
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and working with your brain, not against it. It's about allowing yourself to take up space without shrinking or apologizing for the space you take up. Confidence is a practice. It's not a personality trait. So the good news is that confidence is something that you can build through practice without burning yourself out. And there's multiple dimensions in our lives that we can
work on confidence because confidence manifests in many forms, right? Each form of confidence affects different areas of our lives. Some types of confidence you know already, some we might not be aware of yet, but the main one everybody knows is self-confidence, right? Self-confidence is where we have this general belief in our abilities and our self-worth. It's the overarching sense of assurance that we have when we face any
challenges while we're pursuing our goals. For neurodiversion people, self-confidence can be really challenging because it's likely that growing up, you may have had a lot of experiences where someone was like, sit still, don't talk like that, talk faster, speak up, don't do this, don't do that. Our behavior and our speech constantly gets criticized and redirected. And then when we navigate systems that weren't built for us,
big challenge that a lot of people who are neurodivergent or who have invisible disabilities face is this concept of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is not the same as being a victim, right? Learned helplessness is a psychological state where a person feels powerless to change or control their situation. And it's usually because they've experienced repeated uncontrollable
negative events. So repeated disenfranchisement if you're not able to get a job because you weren't able to get through school without accommodations and so you don't have a bachelor's so you can't compete as well in the workspace. Of course you can get a job without a bachelor's and you can totally thrive but there's a different set of circumstances for people to navigate when you're neurodivergent and you have invisible disabilities and sometimes when the system is not designed with you in mind
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we get these repeated, uncontrollable, negative events that keep sending our minds this signal that you could just stop trying to improve your circumstances even when there are opportunities there, because it won't really matter anyways, because we have learned that no matter how hard we try, it's hopeless and we're helpless. That's not actually true, but...
This is one of the biggest challenges when it comes to self-confidence specifically. Another type of confidence is social confidence. And you might hear some of these types of confidence and be like, yeah, that is something that I'm good at. There's a stereotype that everyone who is neurodivergent or has some sort of invisible disability like ADHD or autism is not great with social confidence. That's not true. Some neurodivergent people are very confident.
socially, but it's just one type of confidence. When you have social confidence, you are comfortable, you have ease in your social interactions. It includes skills like being assertive or public speaking and engaging in group settings. Then there's professional confidence. You may have trust in your abilities in the workplace that can help you perform your job effectively and make decisions or lead and collaborate with others.
But just because we have confidence in one area doesn't mean that we have it in another, right? Situational confidence is another type of confidence that varies based on the context or specific circumstances. For example, feeling confident in a familiar setting, but less so in a new or challenging environment. Situational confidence is something that I personally really thrive in. Some of that is from my work in emergency response. I feel very confident that I can
respond in literally any situation. Another type of confidence is intellectual confidence, the belief in your ability to understand things, to analyze things, and to apply the knowledge that you've learned. This type of confidence is really important for problem solving and decision making. And this is something that I personally struggled with because if you followed my story, again, I went to six different colleges.
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I was undiagnosed with learning challenges and didn't have the accommodations I needed to get through school. And so for the longest time, I didn't have confidence in my intellectual abilities. I was shrinking in the face of making decisions. I struggled with applying myself around problem solving and applying the knowledge that I've learned because a lot of the knowledge that I learned was more so through experience than education.
until I got the help that I needed to really thrive in education. Another type of confidence is physical confidence. I think a lot of people know about this type of confidence. This is where we trust in our bodies and our physical abilities. It's often related to self-image, which a patriarchal society has done an absolute number on women in particular, because when you're not confident in your physical appearance, you buy more stuff, right? You buy makeup, you buy...
all these procedures and different clothes and all these things. Yes, you can absolutely love those things simply because you love those things. And also a lot of the time there's so much layered deep conditioning around our self-worth and our physical appearance because of the messages that we've received in society about what a woman should look like. And how your physical confidence presents can affect and impact everything from like how you perform in sports to how you
perform at the gym, to how you carry yourself in your skin daily. And then there's emotional confidence. Emotional confidence is the ability to trust your feelings and your intuition. It's about being in tune with your emotions and using them to guide your actions. Women in general have a much more layered and complex sensory experience as we go through life, our intuition.
can be much deeper. mean, how many women do know that are just like witchy and magical and have that like deeper sense of knowing or that clairvoyance or all the clairs, right? The clair sentience, the clair cognizance, all of these intuitive gifts that women have naturally have been replaced by so much self-doubt by patriarchal and ableist structures that say,
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things like women are crazy, women are emotionally unstable, or all the trauma we carry from when they started burning witches, which were just women. But each type of confidence here can influence different aspects of your life and work, and they often overlap. And if you remember that confidence is trust, then emotional confidence is trusting your emotions.
Physical confidence is trusting your body. Intellectual confidence is trusting your knowledge. And that's why I do work in confidence coaching, because it takes a lot of practice and a lot of reinforcement and sometimes some outside perspectives on how to refine our techniques for practicing confidence, which really brings me to the juicy part, right? Like how do we actually build confidence as neurodivergent women?
entrepreneurs, business owners, and professionals. There are three powerful strategies that will change the game for you entirely. Some of them you may have heard of before, some of them you might not actually be putting into practical applications and you need a reminder to actually try to do it, and some of them may be you're hearing for the first time. But first and foremost, number one is stop seeking permission.
validate yourself first. Many of us grew up waiting for permission, looking to others, whether from teachers or bosses or even family members to say, yes, you're good enough. Yes, you can do the thing. Yes, go ahead. But real confidence comes from self-validation. So in order to do this, we can start a confidence evidence journal where you start to track your wins, your skills and compliments
from either your clients or people in your business or at work. And when imposter syndrome starts to creep in, read it back to remind yourself what is fact and what is just self-doubt talking. Number two, play to your neurodivergent strengths. You don't have to build confidence by pretending to be someone else. The fastest way to have unshakable rock-solid
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confidence is by leaning into what already makes you brilliant. Ask yourself, what do I do better than most people? Where do I feel the most alive in my work? What kind of business strategies actually feel good to me? For example, if you thrive in deep dive research, you don't need to force yourself to show up daily on Instagram. You might shine brightest in long form content, private coaching, or thought leadership.
When you own your natural style, your confidence and self-trust skyrockets because you're not fighting against yourself anymore. And when learning to play to your neurodivergent strengths, take a moment where you find yourself really getting down on yourself throughout the day. And notice, when you get down on yourself, those are the places where there's probably something really juicy for you to own.
A big part of stepping into your play big self is taking full ownership of the parts of yourself that might feel hard to claim. But if you take the heavy energy off of it and you play with it and you own it and you make it yours, when you revel in the fact that it's yours, that's when your confidence becomes unshakable. Try picking something about yourself that you really don't like and get kinky about it. Just be like.
I absolutely love this about me, right? It might not feel true at first, but like love is something that can be learned and you can learn to love and own parts of yourself and trust those parts of yourself that it makes up your unique brilliance and you can let that build your confidence. Okay, and number three, embodiment. Embodiment, just love that word. Confidence starts
in your body. Here's something most business coaches won't tell you. Confidence isn't just in your mind, it's in your body. If you want to feel more powerful, try using music and movement to shift your energy before you go into doing your work. Try noticing what positions are you in when you feel you're most powerful.
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Are you leaned back with your body language totally open? Do you have your hands on your hips with your chest out? Some people call it power posing, but we're looking for like what feels good for your body because everybody's body has a different body language and you need to own your unique body language for confidence. So feel around like what positions do you feel the most powerful in? And then sometimes wearing outfits,
that just make you feel unstoppable. I actually have like lot of sensory sensitivity. It could be like really twitchy, falling asleep. It's part of the like hyperactive autistic traits, certain fabrics. If they're scratchy, I just can't have them on me. But I feel so confident when I'm in like a billowy, silky thing that's like cinched at the waist. it feels so good, right? Confidence is not just a thought. It is a felt.
sensory experience. The more you connect to your body, the more naturally confidence flows. And I know everybody listening is working with different bodies. We've got different nervous systems, different abilities, different traumas, all these different things that our unique bodies are navigating through the world. The more you practice connecting with your body in environments that feel good and safe for you to give it a try,
the more confident you're gonna feel. Now, before we wrap up, I wanna leave you with a couple quick go-tos that can help you boost your confidence instantly. If you're not feeling confident, one of the best things to do is change up your environment and give yourself what I call a confidence reset, right? Step outside, move rooms, light a candle. We know I'm a big fan of lighting candles. Like, I light candles every time I'm in a Zoom meeting or rep...
a podcast I got like six lit right now, right? Do something to get yourself present to some of your senses so you can shift your energy fast. Another thing that I like to do that's super fun is get some type of boss bitch playlist. Pick three to five songs that make you feel really powerful and play them before doing some big tasks. Another thing you can do for instant confidence is use a confidence anchor, a physical object
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like maybe a bracelet or crystal, something that reminds you of your power. And then last but not least, practice acts of micro bravery. Do one small thing daily that just stretches you, whether it's sending a pitch, telling someone your desire, speaking up, or being assertive and setting a boundary. Confidence is trust. Trust
is earned. We earn trust through action. The more you do, the more you're going to trust yourself. Confidence is an action word. Even if you're practicing being different, the act of practicing who you are becoming, making different choices, taking different actions, having different behaviors, those are all an action.
Confidence happens through action. Then you get enough of those actions together, you start building trust. Once you have earned your own trust, things start really snowballing quickly and you start stepping more and more into your play big self and into your leadership. So gorgeous. Confidence is not about being perfect. It's about trusting yourself even when you don't feel ready. It's about showing up as the fullest version of you without apology,
in action. And listen, if you're craving deeper support and building this kind of confidence, feel free to send me a message at info at playbigqueen.com. We can find ways to work together where we can take everything that we've talked about today and actually put it into action where you have systems of accountability. So you can actually build your confidence to do those things that you dream about doing that big old vision.
that feels so far away is closer than you think. And if today's episode resonated with you, take a screenshot of you listening to it and share it on Instagram and tag me at PlayBigQueen so I can celebrate you. I would love to see that so much. And don't forget for the entire month of March, my sorority from Arizona State University, Delta Sigma is doing our fundraiser for period.org. We are raising money for period.org.
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Poverty. Period poverty refers to the lack of access to menstrual products, hygiene facilities, education, and resources needed to manage menstruation safely and with dignity. It affects people who menstruate, particularly those in low income communities leading to issues like limited access to pads, tampons, menstrual cups, or other hygiene products, lack of clean water, sanitation, and private restrooms, stigma, and shame around menstruation.
missed school or work due to inadequate period management. If you would like to help us, go to the link in the show notes of this episode so you can donate. There's a wish list where you can go shopping for period products that are disposable and reusable. Donations for that wish list will have a direct impact on period poverty, ensuring that more people will have what they need.
during their monthly cycle. It's not just a bumper sticker or a catch phrase, empowered women truly empower women. So if you're in a position to donate, head over to the show notes and buy someone a menstrual cup or some tampons today. All right, queen, it is another week where anything is possible. Get out there, play big, you got this. And I'll see you next Monday for another episode of Play Big, Queen. Until then, keep owning your brilliance.
Okay, that's it for this episode of the Play Big Queen podcast. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. As always, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, take what nourished you, keep what resonated for you, and leave the rest because ultimately, you know best.
This episode is over until next time, we can keep this thing going. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom where it says, join our community, and get on the email list to get all the juicy details about all my offerings and where Play Big Queens play together online, on social media, and in person. We've got a tight community of women claiming their boldest desires, celebrating wins, playing all out, fiercely standing for each other.
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and going higher together. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, put in your email address and confirm your subscription. Once you're in, you'll get all the juicy guides, tips and inspirations and you'll get notified first about all the offers we have for all the big stuff we're doing over here. Go to xxxkatebailey.com to stay in the loop. That's xxxkatebailey.com.
If you like what you heard in this podcast, subscribe, share it with your friends, and if you got something from this, I would appreciate some reviews and ratings. When you take the time to review the podcast, it helps our podcast get out to more women who need it. If you haven't already, head over to iTunes and Spotify and show Play Big Queen some love. Also,
I want you to know that my door is always open and I will always make space for you to be heard and to honor your experience. The views expressed in this podcast are through the lens of my personal identity and my own lived experience. I am a European mix Mediterranean mutt who is an Italian Sicilian, cis heterosexual woman born in New York, experiencing the world in a white body as a multiply neurodivergent.
who lives in a neurodiverse and racially blended family. And like everyone else, my one single perspective comes with its own limitations. I have done personal and professional work around anti-racism, diversity, equity, equality, and inclusion. I am not a therapist or doctor, and any coaching or advice cannot take the place of professional medical, mental health, or healing help. However, that being said,
What happens in my work is often a very powerful additional supplemental or alternative way to heal around identity work, mindset and emotional wellness. Although I am not a licensed therapist, it is worth noting that in addition to being a mentor, I am trained and certified in emergency medicine and response. I have rendered care to over 20,000 patients in the course of my career. I have taught over 15,000 students, many of which
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at learning disabilities that were undiagnosed and came from diverse cultural backgrounds. I was also a private health college adjunct professor who was responsible for training medical professionals on how to respond to trauma and behavioral emergencies. If you approach me with any concern, you will be met with professionalism, compassion, understanding, support, and a readiness and a willingness to advocate for your needs. That being said, sometimes I just get it wrong.
I am a human being on my own growth journey after all. When I mess up, I'm always available for courageous and crucial conversation that makes way for growth and healing. Your experience and voice matters to me. I sincerely welcome any feedback you feel called to share. You can email your comments or concerns to info at playbigqueen.com knowing that I am open to having any and all crucial conversations needed. Okay.
Remember, you are brilliant. Celebrate yourself. Value your own unique way and honor your own timing. Because you can totally create a life and business that feels good and is successful on your terms. Remember to release expectations of what you think your Play Big process should look like and be willing to do the work that needs to be done to Play Big. But most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, remember to trust yourself.
and play big clean.
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Hi, queen. I see you're in it for the long game. If you reach this part of the podcast episode, it means you're interested in learning more about my work, my values, my mission, and my community. So let's go deeper together. I am here to activate neurodivergent women to play bigger and to show you that you are so capable of doing big things and that if you value your own unique way and honor your own timing, you will learn to receive your boldest desires and so much more.
In my world, what makes you different is valued, celebrated, honored, and welcome. I welcome all who identify as female and non-binary folk in my Play Big Queens community. We believe in and support LGBTQIA plus 2S, Black Lives Matter, women's and pro-choice rights, and obviously intersectional identities, including disabilities, neurodivergence, and religious beliefs. Personally, I am pro sex worker rights.
pro-Palestinian liberation, against Islamophobia, and against anti-Semitism, and I'm also against any cult-like religions that use beliefs as an excuse to indoctrinate people into abusive, autocratic systems. Like many neurodivergent people, we have big hearts and a strong sense of social justice around here. You are encouraged to stay and play in our Play Big Queen community if you share these values. For those who find the word queen does not resonate.
Perhaps because of imperial associations, the Play Big self archetype can take any form and the invitation and activation remains the same. To learn to embody your Play Big self, to operate from love instead of fear, to go on a Play Big journey in community because you know that no Play Big queen can truly Play Big.
alone. To decide to cultivate the courage to use your voice, unmask, reclaim, embrace and embody your brilliance and create a life and business that works with the unique way that you work. Through this work, you will come to know the truth of your brilliance deeply. And as you come to know your authentic self, more and more will begin to open up for you. Knowing your unique brilliance will lead to great success and true belonging. In this world, we take the pressure off.
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and learn to step off the traditional path so you can blaze your own trail. My mission is to get you motivated, inspired, and equipped to get into massive action and go on your very own Play Big journey. My mission is to empower at least 10,000 women to fully step into their Play Big self by offering healing, transformative, inclusive, and neurodiverse-affirming coaching and content.
Through innovative coaching programs, courses, and master classes, we provide the tools, support, sustainability, and community needed to help each woman embrace her unique path to confidence, success, and meaningful impact. If just 10,000 women with invisible disabilities and their allies were empowered with neurodiverse affirming and inclusive communication to express their unique brilliance, step into their authority and autonomy and lead,
the world would experience a profound shift towards inclusivity, innovation, and empathy. These women would break through societal limitations, modeling resilience, creativity, and strength of diversity. Their voices and perspectives, often shaped by unique experiences with challenges and perseverance, would redefine business leadership, inspire systemic change, and create spaces where diverse ways of thinking are not just accepted,
but celebrated. Industries and communities would become more accessible and inclusive with practices that honor varied ways of working, communicating, and achieving. This change would ripple into every area of life and society. Workplaces would become more adaptable, offering a culture of respect for individual strengths. Health care and education systems would improve.
improve centering accessibility and compassion in their approaches and policies would evolve to better support those with invisible challenges benefiting society as a whole. So many women with so much potential are shrinking in the face of their own brilliance, just sitting on the sidelines waiting for permission instead of getting in the game. The activation of the latent potential in these women, their empowerment, making them visible.
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would inspire others, reduce stigma around invisible disabilities, and encourage everyone to lead authentically. Their successes will light the way for countless more women to rise, creating a culture of true diversity where every person feels valued, included, and emboldened to contribute their brilliance and lead with it. If you know you are ready for more clarity, confidence, and you want to embody your play big self and be supported around creating the
big vision for your life and business, then send me an email at info at playbigqueen.com telling me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
