Kate Bailey (00:00.27)
Welcome. You are listening to the Play Big Queen podcast. This is for you if you are a woman who is an entrepreneur, business owner, professional, leader, or someone who is deeply committed to personal growth, self-improvement, transformation, and living authentically. This is especially for you if you have an invisible disability, whether you are diagnosed,
undiagnosed, self-diagnosed, or late diagnosed, and you are working on reclaiming your neurodivergent identity, rebuilding confidence, learning what works for your unique brilliance while breaking free from small, people-pleasing conditioning. If you are a visionary change maker interested in advancing your leadership and creating success on your terms, and you want to leave a legacy, if you are navigating disability or neurodiversity as an individual or as an ally, and you are looking for a support
supportive and inclusive environment to thrive, then this is for you. I am your hostess, Kate Bailey. I am the Play Big Queen. My name is my title and a command for all women. Play Big Queen. I invite you to claim this title for yourself and coronate your Play Big self too, if it serves you. I am a business and embodiment mentor working with women who are ready to rise the fuck up and be your bold, beautiful
sexy-ass self, start and grow your big bold vision and claim that you too get to have your boldest desires. I am the creatrix of Kate Bailey LLC, which provides coaching services, educational courses, products and experiences that promote success in neurodiversity advocacy, women's empowerment, embodiment, entrepreneurship and business to serve women on their transformational journey.
To learn more about my company offerings and to get on my email list, go to xxxkatebailey.com. If you would like to learn more about my work, my personal values, my mission and my community, make sure you catch the last five minutes of this episode to go deeper and learn so much more. On this podcast, sometimes we will have guests, sometimes I'll do solo episodes, but every single time you listen, you will expand. So get ready.
Kate Bailey (02:22.038)
It's a new era for women on the Play Big path. Long may we reign. Hello, gorgeous. Welcome back to Play Big Queen, the podcast where we ditch outdated expectations, reclaim our brilliance and redefine success on our terms. Today, we are talking about something deeply personal for so many of us. What it means to be a late diagnosed ADHD woman navigating life, career and self-worth.
in a world that wasn't built for our brains. If you've ever felt like you've had to work twice as hard just to keep up, if you've internalized self-doubt and wondered, why is this so easy for everyone else but exhausting for me? If you are brilliant, ambitious, and capable, but constantly battling burnout, then this episode is for you. I'm gonna break down why so many ADHD women go undiagnosed for years, the hidden costs of masking and trying to fit in.
how to shift from self-doubt to self-trust, and the ADHD-friendly strategies that will help you stop playing small and start thriving without burning yourself out. So let's get into it by starting with the big question. Why are so many women, especially high-achieving women, diagnosed so late in life? The reality is, ADHD research was built around boys. So if you weren't the hyperactive kid disrupting class, you probably flew under the radar.
Women are taught to be responsible, capable, and put together, so we learn to mask our struggles and just push through. Our ADHD often gets mistaken for anxiety, depression, or just being too sensitive when really it's our brains working differently. And because we were undiagnosed and white-knuckling it for so long, many of us have developed these maladaptive behaviors, right? We became
perfectionists or overachievers or people pleasers. Sometimes we felt like we were barely holding it together while others seemed to thrive effortlessly. A lot of the times we internalized the beliefs that we were quote unquote unfocused, lazy, incompetent, or all over the place, irresponsible, flaky, or just not disciplined enough. But here's something to consider.
Kate Bailey (04:42.05)
There was never anything inherently wrong about you or the way you work or the way you live. The internalized beliefs about being unfocused were never true. You were just trying to survive a system that wasn't built for you. And now that you know that, you get to do things differently. So how do we move from not feeling good enough to fully owning our brilliance?
I wanna start by giving you three very powerful mindset shifts. First and foremost, and I really want you to take this in, stop trying to fix yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. ADHD is not a deficit, it's a difference. You don't need more discipline. You are disciplined enough. You need ADHD friendly strategies that actually work for you and how your mind works.
Instead of forcing yourself to do it like everybody else, to pressure yourself into these neurotypical productivity hacks, I want you to ask yourself, what actually feels good to my brain? Mindset shift number two. Your value is not measured by how well you can mask. As women, we spend years learning how to look responsible, keep up
and overcompensate. And sister, I am so here with you on this unlearning journey, but masking is exhausting and you don't have to live your whole life proving your worth. Instead of operating from the question, how can I be more disciplined? See if you can shift that into how can I honor my brain and still thrive? The goal is to start a practice of inquiring or searching for custom ways to
creatively meet your needs instead of constantly pressuring yourself to conform. Which brings me to number three, you do not have to play small to be safe. And I know that feels really counterintuitive because many of us have stayed quiet because we've been underestimated, dismissed, or hurt when we're told we're too much. Sometimes there have even been real consequences for trying to come out of our smallness. But playing small
Kate Bailey (07:02.786)
will not protect you from rejection. Playing small won't help you build confidence or create impact or help you become authentically expressed. It will not help you gain respect, feel like less of an imposter, or lead to opportunities or alignment. Playing small only keeps you from stepping into your power. You are allowed to take up space, you are allowed to succeed, and you are more than enough.
Now I know these three major mindset shifts are a huge help, but I'm energetically tuning into your questions from across the ethers and I hear you. What about practical strategies that can actually help you thrive without burnout? And it's challenging for sure. But here's the major common ADHD friendly shifts that you can start to make right now that my clients find the most helpful. First of all, you really have to start to rethink
productivity and what it means to be productive. It's about energy, not just time. Instead of like rigid schedules, work with your natural energy rhythms. Try the two hour sprint method. This is a really good method where you do your deep focus work in these like short high energy bursts. You can also schedule breaks just as intentionally as you schedule your work. And if you're listening to this and you're like, I don't intentionally schedule my work.
If you go to a job, right, and your job says you have to be there at nine, like you intentionally schedule it. Whether you show up at 9.05 or not, it doesn't matter. Like, intentionally schedule breaks just as you would intentionally schedule your work time. And as ADHDers, we kind of tend to have a lot running in our brain. We have to-do lists, and we also don't.
tend to filter well, right? It's like we're this open channel for all this information where we have this amazing ability to see all the parts at play and focus on many things at once, right? ADHD isn't a lack of focus, it's focusing on so much at once. And that can create a lot of overwhelm. It helps if you do a dump where you just like externalize.
Kate Bailey (09:15.786)
everything. Your brain is not a filing cabinet. You are not meant to hold it all, especially with ADHD minds. It's meant to constantly be in flow, right? So although you're brilliant and can make a lot of seemingly unrelated connections, you actually weren't meant to hold all of these ideas, this abundance of brilliance and creativity. They're meant to flow through you and be shared with the world.
and you're not actually meant to implement or act on all of these ideas. Some of them are just meant for you. Some of them are just meant for you to direct to others or to let others fully develop or produce the ideas or do the tasks that are on your plate to do, right? So visual planning like whiteboards and digital dashboards can really help you here and can really be a game changer. Using voice notes.
instead of written to-do lists can also be leveraged for idea dumping and to just get stuff out if writing feels overwhelming. And then the other thing that my clients love is body doubling. Body doubling is a big one. Body doubling is where you're working alongside someone to boost motivation. Just the presence of another person can be really helpful for getting out of your head.
getting out of the ideation whirlwind that goes on and actually transition into getting into action where all the magic happens on your Play Big journey, where you get closer to reaching your goals. Another strategy that I like to use with my clients is to set these good enough standards and to let go of perfectionism, right? This is also really aligned with our goal of rethinking how we think about productivity.
So this would look like in reality, for example, if perfectionism is keeping you stuck using the 80 % rule, right? So for example, if you didn't schedule everything that you needed to schedule on your calendar, schedule what you can and then just inform others that you are still working on your schedule and that you'll get back to them when you're ready to finalize the schedule. Done is better than perfect needs to be the mantra, just like doing this practice of letting it be enough.
Kate Bailey (11:29.804)
And you can also set time limits. Like I use a Pomodoro timer extension on my desktop to time myself. I'll say, okay, I'm going to work on this for 30 minutes and then I'm moving on. This can be really helpful, especially if you grapple with overwhelm, anxiety, and impulse control. For example, like a lot of my clients struggle with setting reasonable expectations for how long we think a task is going to take, right? We think a task will get done in one sitting,
And then it turns out it takes like multiple sittings over multiple days. And when that happens, anxiety builds because the task is not done yet. And then we start to feel this desire to complete the task. Then we get the impulse to like rush and binge work and burn out just to get it done. That impulse to be in a hyper-focus hole and just like go, go, go until it's done starts to become more attractive to us.
And this is where we really struggle with burnout, right? And then also I know there are other factors involved, right? Like sometimes with ADHD, we struggle with memory issues. So it's much more attractive to try to get the task done in one sitting because we're concerned that every time we re-initiate the task, we might have to relearn certain things and it takes us longer to get orientated towards the task. So that's another reason why I could feel
like everything needs to be done right now because our ADHD brains are just experiencing time differently than neurotypical people. But more often than not, what I want you to know is there is time. There is time to break up the work into reasonable chunks that don't burn us out. There is time to honor our own flow and we are capable of communicating with other people who our work timing affects
that the time expectations might need to shift as you start to go down the road of completing your work. And that is where we start to really have an opportunity to shift from our smallness into leadership, right? Trusting our timing, being willing to do things differently, not to conform, but to honor ourselves and being willing to do the work of communicating with others from a place of self-advocacy, knowing that what is best for you
Kate Bailey (13:55.52)
is best for business. Instead of coming from your smallness, what is best for you is best for your business. And when you step into leadership and do the communication around that, that is a massive opportunity to up-level how you show up in work and in building your business. Remember, the world needs you and your ideas, not your perfection, not your productivity. And the world can't get you.
and they can't get your ideas and like the juicy, authentic you if you are just burning yourself out. And listen, I know how challenging it is and what a hill it is to climb when things aren't designed with you in mind. But the strategy is you just keep taking it one small step at a time in your own time and it will be enough. You must let it be enough.
and redefine success on your terms if you truly want to play big and have your life and business work with how you truly work. You can't keep pretending that you work like everyone else and expect to create a reality that authentically supports you and who you truly are. I mean, think about it. What if authentic success wasn't about keeping up, but it was about thriving in a way that feels good to you? And what if the journey could feel just as juicy as that
threshold moment of success that we all dream about. Because again, if you really listen to the answer after asking yourself, what does success look like for me in this season of my life? And give yourself permission to pivot, pause, and prioritize yourself. Also, I think one of the most beneficial things that you can do for yourself to avoid burnout is to cultivate and build
ADHD safe spaces for yourself. Take just a couple of minutes to like pleasure pad your work environment so it fully supports you. For me, I adjust the lighting, I make sure I have noise canceling headphones, all my candles are lit at my desk next to my fresh flowers that either my husband or I bought for myself. And sometimes I have.
Kate Bailey (16:07.936)
movement while I'm working or I'll side-stem by doing some design and just make sure that my workspace sparks joy and just feels supportive. However you wind up doing it for yourself, just find a community of other ADHD women who get it and create a supportive environment for how you work. It'll totally shift how you relate to doing your work, either in your business that you're building or in your career that you're developing. And most importantly, be
patient with yourself while you are unlearning systems of burnout that don't actually work for you. Remember, sometimes we really have to slow down in order for us to speed up success. And just be so, so, so, so, so kind to yourself. You are worthy of softness. Your unique way is an incredibly valuable and potent way of doing things. So value your own unique way and honor your own timing because you are brilliant.
You are worthy and you are worth putting the work of change into because you fucking deserve to live and work in a way that feels good for you. I truly hope you leave this episode today feeling seen, understood, and ready to step out of your smallness and into your power. My Queens, I have a quick update for you. If you've listened to the past podcast episodes, you may have heard me mention that the Play Big Queen confidence and embodiment exercises were available as a free download.
And that is going to be changing because, well, I realized something very important. These exercises are way too powerful to be treated just like another freebie. And women, myself included, absolutely must get paid for their brilliance, gifts, and labor. So I've decided to upgrade the confidence and embodiment exercises into a premium mini offer for just $22.22, because confidence and embodiment deserves to be valued. Also, this isn't just a PDF.
It's a whole transformational toolkit designed specifically for neurodivergent women with invisible disabilities to gain more confidence and embody their brilliance. If you've been meaning to grab it, now is the time. Because for my OG podcast listeners, because you've been here since the beginning, I'm going to give you one last chance to grab these exercises for free before they officially become a premium offer.
Kate Bailey (18:29.294)
If you're listening during Black History Month, which is any time from now until February 28th, 2025, head to PlayBigQueen.com and enter the coupon code OGPBQ100 to get 100 % off and download the PlayBigQueen confidence and embodiment exercises for free. After that, they'll be available for only $22.22, which honestly is still a steal for what is inside. That coupon code again is O as in orbit,
G is in George, P is in Play, B is in Big, Q as in Queen, 100. That's OGPBQ100 to get 100 % off and download the Play Big Queen confidence and embodiment exercises for free. The coupon will expire on the last day of February, 2025, so make sure you head over to playbigqueen.com and download the exercises. Okay, that's it for this episode of the Play Big Queen podcast.
Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. As always, eat the fruit, spit out the seeds, take what nourished you, keep what resonated for you, and leave the rest because ultimately, you know best.
This episode is over until next time, we can keep this thing going. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, scroll to the bottom where it says, Join Our Community, and get on the email list to get all the juicy details about all my offerings and where Play Big Queens play together online, on social media, and in person. We've got a tight community of women claiming their boldest desires, celebrating wins, playing all out, fiercely standing for each other.
and going higher together. Go to xxxkatebailey.com, put in your email address and confirm your subscription. Once you're in, you'll get all the juicy guides, tips and inspirations and you'll get notified first about all the offers we have for all the big stuff we're doing over here. Go to xxxkatebailey.com to stay in the loop. That's xxxkatebailey.com.
Kate Bailey (20:32.566)
If you like what you heard in this podcast, subscribe, share it with your friends. And if you got something from this, I would appreciate some reviews and ratings. When you take the time to review the podcast, it helps our podcast get out to more women who need it. If you haven't already, head over to iTunes and Spotify and show Play Big Queen some love. Also,
I want you to know that my door is always open and I will always make space for you to be heard and to honor your experience. The views expressed in this podcast are through the lens of my personal identity and my own lived experience. I am a European mix, Mediterranean mutt, who is an Italian, Sicilian, cis heterosexual woman born in New York, experiencing the world in a white body as a multiply neurodivergent.
who lives in a neurodiverse and racially blended family. And like everyone else, my one single perspective comes with its own limitations. I have done personal and professional work around anti-racism, diversity, equity, equality, and inclusion. I am not a therapist or doctor, and any coaching or advice cannot take the place of professional medical, mental health, or healing help. However, that being said,
What happens in my work is often a very powerful additional supplemental or alternative way to heal around identity work, mindset and emotional wellness. Although I am not a licensed therapist, it is worth noting that in addition to being a mentor, I am trained and certified in emergency medicine and response. I have rendered care to over 20,000 patients in the course of my career. I have taught over 15,000 students, many of which
at learning disabilities that were undiagnosed and came from diverse cultural backgrounds. I was also a private health college adjunct professor who was responsible for training medical professionals on how to respond to trauma and behavioral emergencies. If you approach me with any concern, you will be met with professionalism, compassion, tact, understanding, support, and a readiness and a willingness to advocate for your needs. That being said, sometimes I just get it wrong.
Kate Bailey (22:43.712)
I am a human being on my own growth journey after all. When I mess up, I'm always available for courageous and crucial conversation that makes way for growth and healing. Your experience and voice matters to me. I sincerely welcome any feedback you feel called to share. You can email your comments or concerns to info at playbigqueen.com knowing that I am open to having any and all crucial conversations needed. Okay.
Remember, you are brilliant. Celebrate yourself. Value your own unique way and honor your own timing. Because you can totally create a life and business that feels good and is successful on your terms. Remember to release expectations of what you think your Play Big process should look like and be willing to do the work that needs to be done to Play Big. But most of all, when you come face to face with your boldest desires, remember to trust yourself.
and play big clean.
Kate Bailey (23:47.342)
Hi, queen. I see you're in it for the long game. If you reach this part of the podcast episode, it means you're interested in learning more about my work, my values, my mission, and my community. So let's go deeper together. I am here to activate neurodivergent women to play bigger and to show you that you are so capable of doing big things and that if you value your own unique way and honor your own timing, you will learn to receive your boldest desires and so much more.
In my world, what makes you different is valued, celebrated, honored, and welcome. I welcome all who identify as female and non-binary folk in my Play Big Queens community. We believe in and support LGBTQIA plus 2S, Black Lives Matter, women's and pro-choice rights, and obviously intersectional identities, including disabilities, neurodivergence, and religious beliefs. Personally, I am pro sex worker rights.
pro-Palestinian liberation, against Islamophobia, and against anti-Semitism, and I'm also against any cult-like religions that use beliefs as an excuse to indoctrinate people into abusive, autocratic systems. Like many neurodivergent people, we have big hearts and a strong sense of social justice around here. You are encouraged to stay and play in our Play Big Queen community if you share these values. For those who find the word queen does not resonate.
Perhaps because of imperial associations, the Play Big self archetype can take any form and the invitation and activation remains the same. To learn to embody your Play Big self, to operate from love instead of fear, to go on a Play Big journey in community because you know that no Play Big queen can truly Play Big.
alone. To decide to cultivate the courage to use your voice, unmask, reclaim, embrace, and embody your brilliance and create a life and business that works with the unique way that you work. Through this work, you will come to know the truth of your brilliance deeply. And as you come to know your authentic self, more and more will begin to open up for you. Knowing your unique brilliance will lead to great success and true belonging. In this world, we take the pressure off.
Kate Bailey (26:03.18)
and learn to step off the traditional path so you can blaze your own trail. My mission is to get you motivated, inspired, and equipped to get into massive action and go on your very own Play Big journey. My mission is to empower at least 10,000 women to fully step into their Play Big self by offering healing, transformative, inclusive, and neurodiverse affirming coaching and content.
Through innovative coaching programs, courses, and master classes, we provide the tools, support, sustainability, and community needed to help each woman embrace her unique path to confidence, success, and meaningful impact. If just 10,000 women with invisible disabilities and their allies were empowered with neurodiverse affirming and inclusive communication to express their unique brilliance, step into their authority and autonomy and lead,
the world would experience a profound shift towards inclusivity, innovation, and empathy. These women would break through societal limitations, modeling resilience, creativity, and strength of diversity. Their voices and perspectives, often shaped by unique experiences with challenges and perseverance, would redefine business leadership, inspire systemic change, and create spaces where diverse ways of thinking are not just accepted.
but celebrated. Industries and communities would become more accessible and inclusive with practices that honor varied ways of working, communicating, and achieving. This change would ripple into every area of life and society. Workplaces would become more adaptable, offering a culture of respect for individual strengths. Health care and education systems would improve.
centering accessibility and compassion in their approaches and policies would evolve to better support those with invisible challenges benefiting society as a whole. So many women with so much potential are shrinking in the face of their own brilliance, just sitting on the sidelines waiting for permission instead of getting in the game. The activation of the latent potential in these women, their empowerment, making them visible.
Kate Bailey (28:15.0)
would inspire others, reduce stigma around invisible disabilities, and encourage everyone to lead authentically. Their successes will light the way for countless more women to rise, creating a culture of true diversity where every person feels valued, included, and emboldened to contribute their brilliance and lead with it. If you know you are ready for more clarity, confidence, and you want to embody your play big self and be supported around creating the
big vision for your life and business, then send me an email at info at playbigqueen.com telling me why this work is so important for you and we can explore opportunities to work together and make your Play Big dreams a reality.
