Sisters, sisters, sisters, welcome back to the Play Big Queen podcast. We are in some wild times right now. And while unity and community are more important than ever, so is courage. The courage to voice our values, to take a stand, and to clearly state what side of history we are on. Today, we are diving deep into why neutrality is not an option. How fascism and patriarchy are intertwined and what you can do to take a stand for women, for marginalized communities, and for justice. So in this episode, we are breaking it all down step by step, how to engage in hard conversations with people who disagree, why valuing liberation matters in creating a business and life on your terms and why the "agree to disagree" and "why can't we all just get along" responses are just not the answer and are actually offensive.
So whether you're ready or not, we're going to get into it. Sip yourself a warm cup of tea with honey in a to go cup, take a deep breath and buckle the fuck up because we're about to play big in authentic sisterhood. Let's talk about why taking a stand in this political climate is a non-negotiable.
Politics isn't just politics when one side is actively working to erase the rights and freedoms of marginalized people. White supremacist ideologies, whether they show up in authoritarianism, systemic oppression, or attacks on human rights, harm everyone, but especially harms women and People with Disabilities, Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, LGBTQIA+2S individuals, Immigrants and religious minorities. And let's be crystal fucking clear, this isn't just about the difference of political opinions. This is about the erosion of democracy as we speak-
Judicial and legal corruption is expanding. Journalism is under attack and censorship is being bought. Education is being rewritten by rich white guys through book bans and the erasure of our true real history. Political violence and domestic terrorism are increasing, workers' rights, reproductive rights, and environmental protections are being dismantled, and diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility efforts are being rolled back across institutions.
Remaining neutral in the face of all of this is not an option.
Because the fact is, even a half functioning democracy requires us to always actively defend justice, equality and truth.
And I want to really spell this out for you.
Under authoritarian rule, the only people who stand to benefit are those who fit into very rigid and patriarchal molds, traditional nuclear families with white men at the head.
and if that ain't you,
then boo boo,
I'm going to need you to wake up
because you're not just on the sidelines...
You are a target.
So let's talk about what we can do about it.
If you are here and you are still listening, I know that you want to see women rise. You want to see all people liberated. But it's not just enough to want it. We have to actually act on it.
So I'm going to give you some steps on how to take a stand for women and marginalized communities.
Number one, get clear on your values.
What do you believe in? What world do you want to live in? Make a commitment to actively support women, women with invisible disabilities, Black, Indigenous People of Color, individuals who identify as LGBTQIA+2S, and disabled communities. Not just in your words, but in your actions.
Number two, and this is so critical, support women-owned and marginalized-owned businesses.
Your money is power. Support brands, businesses, and organizations that align with your values. Challenge companies that are rolling back DEIA efforts. If they don't align with justice, then they don't get your money.
Number three, educate yourself and others.
Read books and allow educators who challenge white supremacy, patriarchy, and ableism. Support independent journalists and marginalized voices who are sharing the real history that is being erased and call out misinformation when you see it, even in casual conversations.
Number four, use your platform and influence.
Everyone has the power to influence on small and large scales. Speak up on social media, in your community and in your business. Normalize having conversations about justice, access and liberation. If you have an audience, small or large, use it to amplify the truth.
Number five, vote and advocate for policy change.
and this is a big one, right? Support policies that protect our reproductive rights, worker protections, education, healthcare, and racial and gender equity. Push back against legislation that is designed to roll back DEIA efforts and human rights.
Number six, and this is a challenging one... hold your circles accountable.
Now, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is where it gets hard, but it's also where the real change happens with people who are closest to you and actually care about you.
Now, this brings me to something that has been hard for me lately, and it's a new and special kind of grief.
While everyone in my world doesn't share all the same exact views, many of my sisters and community members are people that I connected with through pole dancing, through my community in emergency medicine, and most significantly, my circle of sisters from my time attending the School of Womanly Arts with Regena Thomashauer.
The School of Womanly Arts had a major influence on my Play Big Journey, and the sisters I have made through that network have deeply supported me through my devotion to my own identity and healing work and self-discovery in a patriarchal and ableist society that often doesn't support neurodivergent women, women with invisible disabilities, and even less so, persons who have intersectionalities with other marginalized identities such as our valued members of our LGBTQIA+2S and Persons of Color communities.
I have a very close and core circle of sisters that came from this community who I have experienced every high, every low, and every in between on my journey to claiming my neurodivergent identity since 2019. This experience has greatly influenced my business and further how I show up in sisterhood.
But sometimes there are sisters in the outer rings who want to be inclusive, but by supporting the far right, they just aren't and they will never be an authentic supportive sister while holding those views. And they just don't get why.
And while many of my present day sisters came from the School of Womanly Arts, many of the people on my social media block list are now also from there, along with women from every other type of community in my life, family members included, because of the rigid stance they have chosen to take in this political climate and because of their unwillingness to learn why they are acting so self-contradicting... it's just not there.... the willingness to learn... is just not there.
But I can't lie, it stings the most to discover that a sister in one of my circles, especially a sister who calls herself a Sister Goddess, is steeped in this authoritarian propaganda.
And lately, as the far right grows stronger, so does my understanding of just how many sheep are amongst the self-proclaimed she-wolves in the spiritual and feminine coaching communities.
Now if you're listening to this episode and you're still like, what the heck is the School of Womanly Arts? I'll do a little side quest here to bring you up to speed.
The School of Womanly Arts, from which I am a proud pussified graduate, is a program founded by Regena Thomashauer, affectionately known as Mama Gena.
Mama Gena is a feminist author and icon, most known for authoring the New York Times bestselling book, Pussy: A Reclamation. I highly recommend reading this book.
Her program, the School of Womanly Arts, focuses on empowering women by teaching them to embrace pleasure, sensuality, and self-expression as a path to personal growth and fulfillment.
Now, the school is centered around reclaiming feminine power, confidence, and joy, drawing on principles of sisterhood, sensuality, and the idea that pleasure can be a tool for transformation.
Key aspects of the School of Womanly Arts program that I also incorporate into my coaching philosophies include: pleasure as power, so encouraging women to see pleasure, not just as this frivolous thing, but as a vital aspect of their wellbeing and empowerment. Another aspect is feminine energy, reclaiming and celebrating traditionally feminine qualities like intuition, emotion, and creativity. Self-expression is also another major aspect, helping women reconnect with their desires, their voice, and their authentic self. And also, at the core of all these teachings is sisterhood - building a supportive community of women to uplift and inspire one another.
The curriculum often practices things like dance, journaling, visualization, and other experiential activities designed to help women rediscover their joy and their confidence. The school's teachings have traditionally attracted followers like myself, who were interested in self-development, body positivity, and a deeper sense of connection to their inner selves.
The women who attend the School of Womanly Arts call each other "Sister Goddesses" as a nod to the divinity we see in each other and to remember to relate to each other as sisters would, further that every woman in the world should be seen as our sister.
And the key point is, that all Sister Goddesses have come together to be in community via this prominent advocate against specifically PATRIARCHAL structures.
All these women have come together around this anti-patriarchal feminist icon affectionately known as Mama Gena.
Now, while Mama Gena herself is also a perfectly flawed human just like the rest of us on her own journey of understanding, Mama Gena is specifically an icon for openly, ad nauseum, emphasizing the importance of reclaiming feminine power and pleasure to counteract the effects of patriarchy.
Now, patriarchy is one of the monstrous arms of this beast-like structure that is globalization as it relates to white supremacy.
Patriarchy is a social system in which men hold primary power in roles of leadership, authority, and privilege while women and marginalized genders face systemic disadvantages. Patriarchy operates in politics, economics, family structures, and culture and reinforces male dominance and maintains gender inequality.
And I think it's important to specify that hating patriarchy does not mean hating men. Quite the contrary. Hating patriarchy means loving men fiercely in a system that harms men too by reinforcing toxic masculinity, emotional suppression, and unrealistic expectations of men, which prevents many men from fully expressing themselves or ever seeking support.
In fact, there are many men who can and do openly oppose patriarchy.
Patriarchal culture at its core has historically sought to subjugate and control women's bodies.
In contrast, if we have healthy male-dominating cultures, they would seek to simultaneously protect and liberate women's bodies so we may in fact feel safer in embodying our more feminine-like qualities of surrendering and receiving.
We learned through Mama Gena's work and tools like swamping that by embracing the feminine and reconnecting in community around the feminine, individuals of all genders can contribute to dismantling patriarchal systems which play a major part in leading to liberation for everyone.
And again, I am finding that there is this special kind of grief and this special kind of pain that I am discovering within myself as I discover more and more self-contradicting Sister Goddesses who are falling under the spell of fascism while still chanting, "Fuck the Patriarchy."
Now the AuDHD-er in me who loves to chug information straight up feels the need to break down the relationship between fascism and patriarchy, and how you can't say that you hate one while reinforcing the other.
Fascism and patriarchy are mutually reinforcing systems of control that thrive on hierarchy, authoritarianism, and the suppression of individual freedoms.
By upholding patriarchal norms, fascist regimes can consolidate power, ensure social conformity, and suppress dissenting voices, particularly the voices of women, feminists, and LGBTQIA+2S, and non-white, "non-pure",individuals.
This symbiotic relationship between fascism and patriarchy ultimately serves to more deeply entrench oppression and maintain the dominance of a select few. Fascism and patriarchy are deeply intertwined. Fascist systems use patriarchal structures to enforce their ideologies and to maintain control.
At the time of this podcast recording, the relationship between patriarchy and fascism is hitting another critical mass in our current political climate and you might not fully understand why if you haven't taken the time to learn about the history, structures, and interplay from neutral and well-researched sources.
But I want to break down for you how you can spot the relationship between the patriarchy and fascism, specifically.
We can see this relationship play out in real life through the reinforcement of traditional gender roles that frame men as leaders and relegates women to subordinate roles.
We can see it through the control of women's bodies, where fascist regimes historically and present day exerted control over women's reproductive rights and sexuality, aligning with patriarchal values. There are policies that often include promoting higher birth rates to grow the quote unquote "pure" population while criminalizing abortion and limiting access to contraception.
This control is tied to the belief that women's primary duty is to serve the state through childbearing and family building, which actually increases the population and ultimately it increases the amount of consumers that can participate in the purchase of goods in the global developing world market.
We can also see the relationship between fascism and patriarchy through militarization and toxic hypermasculinity and the glorification of strength, dominance, and aggression. These are the patriarchal concepts of masculinity and any dissent or weakness is often framed as, quote, feminine and undesirable, reinforcing toxic masculinity as its core value.
The relationship between fascism and patriarchy is never more highlighted than through the oppression of feminist and LGBTQIA+2S movements, which challenge traditional gender norms, are considered a threat to the nuclear family, which challenges patriarchal control.
And so then these marginalized groups become targeted by fascist regimes.
This is when we see anti-trans, anti-LGBTQ... this is when they start attacking drag queens... and we get a whole lot of propaganda that portrays these marginalized communities as threats to the social order, to family values, they are painted as a threat to national unity by these fascist regimes that make people believe that these marginalized groups are to be feared.
Historically, every single fascist regime has suppressed these movements, has suppressed the celebration of the LGBTQIA+2S experience, they do this to maintain rigid hierarchies and a homogenous societal identity.
We also can clearly see the relationship between fascism and patriarchy through the intersection with racism and nationalism. Fascism often intertwines patriarchy with racism and nationalism using patriarchal family structures as a metaphor for the nation. Just as men are seen as, the head of the household, the leader of the nation, usually male, is positioned as the father of the nation, demanding loyalty and obedience (which is super attractive to women with daddy issues). In this structure, women are seen as the cultural bearers who are responsible for maintaining radical and cultural purity, further tying patriarchal control to racist and nationalist agendas. We also see the relationship between fascism and patriarchy through economic oppression. Under fascist regimes, women are often excluded from leadership roles or the workforce as their economic and political participation is seen as a threat to the patriarchal order. The idealized fascist economy often revolves around male-dominated industries with women confined to roles that support the domestic and social structures.
And in one of the biggest places where it becomes obvious that there's a relationship between fascism and patriarchy is through the suppression of individual autonomy.
Autonomy over anything, your voice, your choice, your body, how you identify, whether or not you're allowed to identify yourself as disabled or non-binary. Both patriarchy and fascism suppress individual autonomy in favor of hierarchical and collective control. This includes dictating how individuals should live, who they should marry, and what roles they should occupy in society.
So now that I've broken down the relationship between fascism and patriarchal structures, I want to see, if you can see, that if you are a Sister Goddess or simply a sister who wants to see other women rise and be empowered, I want to know if you can see how you literally cannot do that if you are intentionally, consciously supporting in any way, shape or form patriarchal or fascist structures.
Now, white supremacy, patriarchy, ableism, all the systems of oppression are so deeply entrenched in our history and in our systems that it is often the case that we perpetuate these systems unknowingly because that's the way these systems are designed - they oppress so much that we don't even know when we are doing it to ourselves and each other.
But for the women who know, that they don't know, how they are unconsciously perpetuating systems of oppression like patriarchy and fascism, and they are willing to converse with you, someone who is conscious about how they are perpetuating the system...
I want to set you up for success and share with you about how to have hard conversations with people who don't get it yet.
And sis, I know these conversations are hard. I've had them and I've also lost people because of them.
But silence doesn't serve liberation or the love you claim to have in your heart for your sisters.
So here's a step-by-step approach to navigating these tough talks -
First, you have to start with curiosity, not condemnation.
If someone is open to learning, meet them where they are at. Ask them, what makes you believe that? Where did you hear that? This can help us unpack some information and engage logical thinking.
Another approach to these conversations is to share your personal stories and your own lived experience.
People respond to stories more than they respond to stats. If they respect you, they'll more likely listen to you when you say, "this personally affects me and my loved ones and here's how." I know self-advocacy can be so tiring, but it can also change people's views and help them learn how to authentically support you in sisterhood.
Another strategy is to stick to your core values.
Instead of arguing facts, bring it back to your values. (Again, conversational modeling is something I do with my clients.) You could say something to the effect of like, I hear you believe in fairness, dignity, and justice for all people. Can you tell me more about how those values align with what you believe and your actions?
Again, being curious and not condemning here can be really helpful.
And then another strategy would be to set boundaries if needed.
Listen, not everyone is going to be willing to listen and that's not your job to fix. If someone refuses to engage in good faith, you can say, "I care about you, but I won't tolerate harmful rhetoric" and then disengage. It's important to be clear on what you are available for and what you're not available for. And if you're not available for harmful rhetoric, be willing to state that and walk away.
And then also something I want to share with you is -
it's important to plant seeds, but not to expect immediate change.
These conversations are long-term work. Playing Big means playing the long game. Your job isn't to change minds in just one go. It's to spark critical thinking.
Now, one of the most common arguments or responses that you may get for not wanting to have this conversation is many people are just gonna say, "I just wanna focus on the positive" and "can't we all just get along?" or "can we just agree to disagree?"
So it's really important that you understand why "agree to disagree" and why "can't we all just get along" is harmful and flat out wrong.
First of all, oppression is not a difference of opinion.
I'm going to say that again. Oppression is not a difference of opinion.
You cannot "agree to disagree" on the subject of human rights. Telling marginalized people to "just get along" is toxic positivity that invalidates their lived experience with their oppressors, and further, it asks them to tolerate harm and abuse.
If you love someone, if you're in authentic sisterhood with them, you would not tolerate someone abusing and harming them. And when you're neutral on these issues, you should know that neutrality always benefits the oppressor. Silence will equal complicity.
If you're not actively working against injustice, you're allowing it to thrive.
And listen, there are many ways to act against injustice. You can find your activist identity and role, whether you are someone who is a "shout it from the rooftops" kind of person, or you're the kind of person who wants to be in the back room making data infographics with your design skills for other people who are on the front lines.
There is a place for everyone in this work, so just get in where you fit in.
Learn your strengths and weaknesses in activism. If you're still developing your voice, maybe you provide other skills to people who are using their voices.
Real authentic unity, especially in sisterhood, where your fellow women experience the control and oppression of fascist and patriarchal structures... real authentic unity is built on justice, not avoidance. And true peace is going to come from dismantling oppressive systems, not ignoring them.
If you want true unity and sisterhood, you have to start with equity.
If you are still listening this far into the episode, I know that you want a world where women are thriving, where disabled people are truly valued, where Black, Indigenous, People of Color and LGBTQIA+2S folks are free.
So allow me to remind you, taking a stand is not optional, no matter your unique way of standing.
Authentic sisterhood means accountability and our liberation is collective.
So Play Big, Queens.
Show up, speak out, support the people who need it most.
And remember, when one of us rises, we all rise.
Until next week, keep playing big.
My Queens... I have a quick update for you. If you've listened to the past podcast episodes, you may have heard me mention that the Play Big Queen Confidence and Embodiment Exercises were available as a free download. And that is going to be changing because, well, I realized something very important. These exercises are way too powerful to be treated just like another freebie. And women, myself included, absolutely must get paid for their brilliance, gifts, and labor. So I've decided to upgrade the confidence and embodiment exercises into a premium mini offer for just $22.22 because confidence and embodiment deserves to be valued.
Also, this isn't just a PDF, it's a whole transformational toolkit designed specifically for neurodivergent women with invisible disabilities to gain more confidence and embody their brilliance. If you've been meaning to grab it, now is the time because for my OG podcast listeners, because you've been here since the beginning, I'm going to give you one last chance to grab these exercises for free before they officially become a premium offer.
If you're listening during Black History Month, which is any time from now until February 28th, 2025, head to playbigqueen.com and enter the coupon code OGPBQ100 to get 100 % off and download the Play Big Queen Confidence and Embodiment Exercises for free. After that, they'll be available for only $22.22, which honestly is still a steal for what is inside.
That coupon code again is O as in Orbit, G as in George, P as in Play, B as in Big, Q as in Queen, 100. That's OGPBQ100 to get 100% off and download the Play Big Queen Confidence and Embodiment Exercises for free.
The coupon will expire on the last day of February, 2025. So make sure you head over to playbigqueen.com and download the exercises.
